THE SWEATY SUBWAY, NYC – No doubt it’s cool down under where the Matts are, but it’s HOT HOT HOT here in the Northeast. And when it’s this hot out, everyone is just a little more ornery. Me? I’m feelin’ pretty good…you know, first place Yankees and all. But aside from that, there are some things that are really getting my goat. A few weeks ago Angry Ward put up the ‘F*&K IT List,’ and I told him that if I was lacking of topic for my post, I’d bastardize that and put up a Suck It List. As sweet a Cookie as I can be, I can be pretty salty, so we’ll just call this a small airing of grievances for all (four) of you who have been been visiting this site. Eh. We can just call it a small group therapy session.

** THE WEATHER TALK: My opening about the weather was sort of tongue-in-cheek, because, frankly I cannot STAND the talk about the weather! Yes, it’s hot. Yes, it’s humid. But ENOUGH already!! When it’s too hot people complain and when it’s too cool people complain. Let me tell you, I’m a good sweater and like my space (I really can’t even stand it when my darling mini-Cookie’s cling to me in this weather), but I don’t really complain about it. In my book, too hot is better than too cold. Give me a hot day ANYDAY over a day where inhaling cold wind nearly freezes my lungs and I can possibly crack my melon open because I slip on a sheet of ice. I can always take more clothes off and there’s always a cold shower (just ask Yankee Joe). The weather is not a topic of conversation. Move on.

** METRO NORTH: My mom and dad might disagree with this one. My dad was an NYC Bus Driver (on the old M100 route) and some of the handful of good memories I have are of my brother and I riding the route with him. We’d leave the house at 4:30AM and go with him to ride the bus up and down Broadway. At the end of my route, me and my brother got to keep all the change we found in the seats and during lunch, we’d hang at the depot where my Dad would teach us to play pool.

Today, my Mom and Dad have good times compliments of sharing his pension (which is paltry, but it’s something).
Like everyone else, I keep paying MTA through the nose with cash, sweat and years of my life. EVERYTIME I go into NYC, there is some sort of track work or problem on Metro North. Don’t get me started on the delays in the inclement weather. And, I am seriously PISSED that the Hudson Line got all new trains years ago and the New Haven line is STILL running on the equivalent of cattle cars. NYC Subways are a joke. They’ve got more DELAY than ‘Dancing With The Stars.’ That MYTH of a Second Avenue Subway still provides a great chuckle. I nearly fell on the floor a few months back when I saw an ad in the subway for the Second Avenue Subway. It said ‘Get Ready. It’s Coming Soon,’ and had a date of 2015 or some such. Of course, five years plus out, they’re already late. Can someone tell me why they’re raising fares? I feel like the MTA might just be a massive dominatrix in disguise. Someone please get this b*&thes stiletto off my neck.

** BRETT FAVRE AND THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS BRASS: I’ll make it short. Brett is already giving himself an escape hatch on his newest media pressure cooker of a season by saying that he’s got this torn rotator cuff which he ‘played with all along.’ Just watch… as soon as he gets called out on not performing to where the Vikings want him to, he’ll point to that tear and his age. The Vikings really sucked up to Favre at the expense of the rest of their team. Nothing says creating dissention among the ranks like the way Favre was brought in. They’ve all but decimated the morale of the team before regular season has even started. Next year, there will be a lot of rebuilding without Favre. Mark my words.

*PETA and the PHILLY PROTESTERS: I like dogs. I like animals. I even went vegan for a week. (Don’t ask. Soy yogurt is the most VILE stuff on earth.) Suffice it to say I am against cruelty to animals, but I cannot deny that I like a good hamburger. Did I consider the dog fighting Michael Vick engaged in despicable? Yes. Do I think it has anything to do with football? No? The guy served his time, expressed his remorse…let him play in peace. The guy is SIGNED already. I consider most protesting a waste of time, including any protesting involving PETA and Pamela Anderson…(she looks quite haggard these days!) Please let’s stop beating a dead horse and let the sleeping, uh, I mean, dead dog lie.

*KEVIN YOUKILIS: No further comment necessary.

* PARIS HILTON: I did not see the video. And I do NOT want to know. But if someone has seen it and can riddle me this.. go on ahead. Why, oh why does someone who is an heiress to one of the world’s biggest hotel fortunes deserve to get paid $10,000-$20,000 to simply APPEAR at nightlife venues? Either it was SOME night in Paris, or she performs the title of this post better than anyone on the planet.

* OUR CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM’S HANDLING OF PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES: Back to Vick. I’ll make it quick. He served 19 months of a 23 month sentence for ‘financing a dog fighting conspiracy.’ Debt to society paid. Honestly, I think that the better sentence for Vick would’ve been for him to raise and train a litter of pit bulls into kindly, seeing eye dogs. (I know, I know… impossible.. but it’d be funny and perhaps the makings of a nice reality show ‘Vick Say Fetch Da Stick.’) Plaxico Burress just plead guilty to felony weapons charges, which will carry a two-year prison sentence. Plaxico shot himself in the leg. I think that right there was punishment enough for him.

Donte Stallworth plead guilty to DUI manslaughter and served a 30-DAY SENTENCE and paid the victim’s family and undisclosed sum of money.

So, Stallworth got the lightest sentence of these three. What are we exactly saying in relation to the justice our sports celebs serve? It’s worse to kill a DOG than a human? And while I’m certain that the emotional burden Stallworth carries daily is worse than any prison sentence he could serve… what does this justice say to the public?

And with that, I’ll end my suck-it list. It’s late at night and I’m really stuck for a suck-it list ending. This bit always impresses me. It doesn’t suck.. and I am pretty sure Randy didn’t get sentenced to anything for it. As for the PETA people, I’m guessing when this occurred ages ago, they missed the chance to protest on this.

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About Cookie 101 Articles
Cookie, like 7 fifths of the MTM staff, was brought in by The Franchise (Angry Ward). They met sitting near each other at a NY Rangers game. She's our Angelina Jolie in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" - by day the fetching wife and young mother of two little boys; by night the hot, sports fanatic that mixes in triathlons and X-Treme sports with her love for the Yankees, Brooklyn Nets, NY Rangers and... Denver Broncos. She is, like most of the rotation, more than a bit sassy, bakes like nobody's business and is one smart... Cookie. She too, needs to be in a bikini as often as possible.