By Rex O’Rourke

Vancouver, British Columbia – I like the Olympics; particularly the Winter Games, since they occur in the sports dead zone between football and baseball and before playoff hockey, hoop, and March Madness. But for sheer fanaticism you can’t touch my sister. For starters, she raises and lowers a USA Olympic flag each and every day of both the Summer and Winter Games while humming the Olympic theme. The humming actually sounds like a trumpet blaring. I’m not kidding. You can’t make this stuff up! She had a torch that she lit every day but it went kurblooey so now she just lights a candle. I told her I’d go to the all-nite torch store and get her another one but it seems one doesn’t exist.

My sister is a normal, sane, successful, lovely woman, but in even numbered years she spends two weeks in front of the tube, rooting, cheering, kvetching, crying and dining on foods from around the globe to honor as many countries as possible. You know those up close and personal pieces they do on the athletes? They were made for my sister. They reduce her to tears. Grab the Kleenex.

She spearheads pools to keep it more interesting, and forces otherwise disinterested family members to do research and choose the countries that will win medals IN EVERY FREAKIN’ EVENT! I bet you didn’t know that Slovenia, Croatia, and Poland are contenders for the Ladies 15K Cross Country Pursuit! By the way, is it me or does skiing uphill seem kinda dumb?

Anyway, as insane as she is about the actual competition, she is even nuttier about the opening ceremonies. Remember that scene in Airplane when Ted Stryker is boring a passenger to the point of suicide? I felt like dousing myself in gasoline when Sarah McLachlan and K.D. Lang crooned me into submission. And regarding the music, Rush has sold 75 gazillion flippin’ records so why don’t they get the nod; what the Celine Dion is going on up there?


My poor brother-in-law was begging, I mean begging her to let him go to bed, and she wouldn’t let him out of the room until the torch was lighted. Then they had that torch mal-function followed by the The Great One going across town to light yet another torch. I thought my bro-in-law was going to blow a gasket. I mean, they only had six years to rehearse the blessed event! Meanwhile, I’m rolling on the floor in stitches.

So my sister will spend the next two weeks in DVR Heaven, pouring over the minutia of every event, waving her flags, cheering, and weeping. Good for you sis! We should be so passionate about something. Enjoy.

Until Next Week,

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