The Public Professor is an actual Professor, albeit a Quirky Professor – he doesn’t have a cell phone or cable.
ST.LARUSSA, MO – This was a great this World Series. The proof is that I hate both of the teams and still got sucked in. We all did (yes, I’m taking the liberty of speaking on your beahlf, deal with it), despite the fact that both teams were pretty hateable.
I hate the Cardinals because: I find The Church of Tony LaRussa to be über creepy; you can’t tell me Albert Pujols wasn’t juicing back in the day; and my arch-nemesis Joe Buck clearly likes them despite his protestations to the contrary (the monotone drone doth protest too much, me thinks).
I hate the Rangers because: I find the Josh Hamilton’s in-your-face churchiness to be über creepy; the team’s from the dreaded state of Texas; for the second year in a row they’ve had George Bush throw out a first pitch; and anyway, how can I respect a team that can’t figure out what it’s colors are? Is it blue or red, people! Make up your goddamn minds already! You can’t have both.
But Professor, they’re trying to do the flag: red, white, and blue.
Yeah, I know. And that in itself is wrong for three reasons:
1. It’s not traditional: In baseball you’re supposed to get two colors (white plus something at home, gray plus something on the road), not three.
2. It’s pandering: Like they love America more than any other team. F-you.
3. It’s inept: They’ve got the wrong shades of blue and red to make an American flag. F’n morons.
Yet despite my hatred for both of these teams, I really did get sucked in. It was an absolutely outstanding World Series from start to finish. In the end, I rooted for the Rangers despite it all. Partly it was out of American League loyalty. Friggin’ Senior Circuit always thinking they’re so better than us just because their roots go back to the 19th century, frick-a-frass-grumble-grumble.
And part of it is that after you add it all up, I really do find LaRussa, Pujols, and the affiliated Buck and Tim McCarver to be more hateable than Hamilton and Bush.
But either way, this Series was fantastic and exemplified why baseball is still the sport I love most, even if I watch football more (mainly because I like to gamble on it and because it’s on free TV). But baseball really is the greatest game.
Simply put, baseball is timeless. Literally. Nothing can match baseball’s tension, in part because there’s no clock. When the pitcher faces down the batter, he can’t just hold the ball and wait for the seconds to tick down. No matter how long he takes, he still has to throw that pitch. He actually has to beat the other guy, or his team will lose.
And so in the end, I will sublimate all my hatred and exasperation, and revel in the tension, the drama, the beauty, and the incapability of two men staring each other down as they wage a timeless duel for the ages.
God bless baseball, says this Angry Atheist.
Another timeless column from Cheesy Bruin tomorrow.