Halloween is a week away but comes to us early courtesy of today’s NFL game schedule. Pointspreads, office pools, fantasy football, and box pools are all what keeps our interest today while some of the following crap is on the slate. Let’s take a closer look at the gruesome contests and decide whether trick or treat.
Seattle @ Cleveland: No Peyton Hillis for the pumpkin-helmeted Browns and Charlie Whitehurst calling signals for the Seahawks make this contest like a piece of fruit in your Halloween bag. TRICK!
Washington @ Carolina: QB John Beck gets the turn we all saw coming and HC Mike Shanahan continues his practice of treating RB’s like Yahtzee! dice in the shaker, while Cam Newton continues to develop by throwing the ball as if he’d gone egging with us back in the day. TRICK!
Denver @ Miami: If there were more descript clothing for Mormons, the Christian Right, and Southern Baptists, the old Orange Bowl would be the venue for such costumes as Tim Tebow gets his NFL baptism. These two teams really suck so the important question is, will God forgive Tebow for working on His day of rest? TRICK!
Atlanta @ Detroit: Ahhh! Like a quality chocolate and money in your treat bag. The upstart Lions and less desperate Falcons square off in today’s marquis game. Dress like the Cowardly Lion or M.C. Hammer ‘cuz the game should be too legit to quit. TREAT!
SD @ J-E-T-S, Chicago @ TB, Houston @ Tennessee: All are palatable games even to those outside the home markets, but far from what I’d call treats. More like hard candy or Sweet Tarts or a bunch of pennies finding its way in your plastic pumpkin. Enough of those Lincoln’s used to add up to something decent so the aforementioned games are likewise lumped together.
Pittsburgh @ Arizona: Not exactly the Cardinals we want to watch at this time thanks to the absence of World Series day games. Oddsmakers are saying this one will be more competitive than it should and even so, this is a TRICK in more ways than one.
KC @ Oakland: The first 500 Raiders fans dressed like a dead or alive Al Davis get in free while one of the first 500 looking like a QB get the start while Carson Palmer digests the playbook, akin to the laxative-like effect too much chocolate has on trick or treaters. TRICK!
St. Louis @ Dallas and GB @ Minnesota: Rams minus QB Bradford but +12 ½ and the Norsemen plus rookie QB Ponder and 8 ½ at home make it a good time of the day to fill up your plastic pumpkin trash bags with leaves. One of these could be a King of the Hill knockout, however. TRICK!
Indy @ NO and Baltimore @ Jacksonville: My advice? Screw the living sh!t out of your wife or favorite lady and scare the neighbors with all the noise coming from within the (vaginal) walls. Games= TRICK! Copulation=TREAT!
A real treat tomorrow, West Coast Craig turns some tricks.