SIXTH MAN, NY -For a guy that has been on the bench for ages and is still waiting on his yearly MTM Staff Review – all I’ve gotten so far is the staff – I have been busy these last two weeks. Rumor has it that with a good review, I will get a pay raise; but MTM staff pay is top secret. Anyway, with all this talk about Tom Brady losing pretty and Mark Sanchez winning ugly, the NFL’s midway point gives a pretty clear which teams can start thinking about next year and which teams can start making a push for the playoffs. For me, it’s all about the guy with his hands up another man’s gas-passer. Let’s take a look… Under Center:
Buffalo Bills: Above Average. Ryan Fitzpatrick looked average agaisnt the Jets, but so did his whole team. Still may have the stuff to lead them to the playoffs.
Miami Dolphins – Below Average. Matt Moore: Who? No this is not Tall Matt’s stunt double. Tall Matt does all his on stunts. He is horrible. KC made him look good on Sunday but the Fish are 1-5 behind his leadership – nuff said.
New England Patriots – Elite. Tom Brady is still great but yet his team is playing inconsistently and failing to rise to the occasion. I blame Giselle (shameless reason for her pic) and the fact the Pats went pass-happy and tried to make it Air Brady.
New York Jets: Average. Mark Sanchez. As a Jets fan, it’s painful to say, but if the Jets had a consistent QB or top-leveler like a Phil Rivers, they would have been more than runner-ups last two Championship games. That Dirty Sanchez!
Baltimore Ravens: Average. Joe Flacco. Defense keeps him winning. He is trying to be Trent Dilfer Version 2.0 and you need more than that to win it all.
Cincinnati Bengals: Incomplete. Andy Dalton? Never heard of the guy. The phrase “Not a household name in his own household.” comes to mind. Yet he has the Bungles in a winning season. Somehow he will mess this up or the team will fold – consistent in failure as is The Bengal Mantra.
Cleveland Browns: Above Average. Colt McCoy. How can I say that? I just feel he is an above average guy on a Below Averageteam, so he looks worse than he is.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Elite. Ben Roethlisbergerknows how to win games in the clutch – stats be damned. He just imposes his will on the game as if it was a young lady at a bar trying to get away.
Houston Texans: Elite. Matt Schaub. Look at the numbers he puts up!! His defense sucks – I mean, when you score 35 points, you expect to win, no lose by 10 like has happened to him most of his career.
Indianapolis Colts: Curtis Painter; Scrub!! Tough to replace Peyton, but Jesus, could you at least try and be a Harbaugh!?!
Jacksonville Jaguars: Below Average. Blaine Gabbert? Bum! Andy Dalton minus the ability to win. My knowledge of this guy is smaller than a decimal.
Tennessee Titans: Average. Matt Hasselbeckis in the right system and his weapons make it happen. He is reliable and you know what you get from him. In the NFL, that means so, so much.
Denver Broncos: Below Average. Tim Tebow: Saint… No, I mean Bronco. The Kid can win – if he has enough help. Not that talented and I see a trade with him going to his hometown of Jacksonville. With their rush attack and half decent D, playoffs are on the way. Heard. It. Here. First!!
Kansas City Chiefs: Above Average. Matt Cassel. He was able to replace the Anointed One and once traded, still proves he is beyond a system QB, succeeding in KC. Needs help on the D-side but doing all he can.
Oakland Raiders: Above Average. Carson Palmer replaced Jason Campbell, who was Average, so he is an upgrade. But he is so rusty that he will be Below Average this season… until the Raiders are eliminated from Playoff contention. Then he’ll get hot. It will take a while to shake The Bengal Mantra.
San Diego Chargers: Above Average. Philip Rivers is having a bad year and throwing picks, but I mean he got his team 38 points and still lost. If he was on the JETS, he would have a Super Bowl already. (Again, “Super Bowl” is two words).
Next week, the NFC. Meanwhile, tune into to Angry Ward tomorrow. I know he’s pissed that his boy Grote2Max is M.I.A. like Tall Matt, so he should be entertaining. Oh, and check out RugbyWrapUp.com, there is some funny sh!t going on over there, too.