STATE COLLEGE, PA – Lots going on this week.. and it’s all sex drive in the front seat. As usual, the little Hitler in mens’ pants is responsible for a LOT of trouble. And speaking of trouble, I might be in some with our own Lori Levineif I don’t make good on her request for a bikini shot. So the bikini shot is for Lori, and the run down of testosterone driven trouble is for the rest of yous as our dishy recap of the week. Away we go!
Penn State Patty Cake: Call it what you will… sad. The fall of a legend. Overreacting. Underreacting. Qualquiera. (That’s Spanish for ‘whatever’ for those of you playing the Espanol version.) Penn State’s Pa, Joe ‘Pa’ Paterno, was summarily shown the door Wednesday evening by Penn State’s Board of Trustees for failing to report child molestation on the part of one of his coaches to police. I’m sorry…but anyone who can’t control their urges so as to abuse a child has a little dictator in some SERIOUS need of the Benito Mussolini Treatment. And as football ‘genius’ as Joe Pa’s career has shown him to be, he’s clearly got no genius spilling over to any other aspect of his life.
And speaking of Pa-Pa…how about a PA-ternity Suit?!? As Angry Ward dished to you this week, Justin Bieber has been slapped with a paternity suit for fathering a twenty-year old’s ‘Baby. Baby. Baby. Oh ba-by!‘ That’s the only Justin Bieber song I know. And, no… I’m not proud that I know even one… GROSS, when you think that a 19-year-old thought it’d be fun to have sex with a SIXTEEN year-old boy. EWW. When you’re THAT young, you’ve got no control over the invasions you make with that thing. But, best part of this story is that Maury Povich is actively pursuing rights to get the results of Bieber’s paternity test on his show, Maury. I mean, really. PER-FECT.
Little Cain, Big Trouble: Republican Presidential candidate hopeful Herman Cain’s little stick got him into BIG trouble. Seems like every white chick with a pulse is now accusing him of sexual harassment – except for Gloria Allred. As usual, she’s just representing them. Unfortunately, I could care less about this story because, 1) I’m a Democrat, and 2) when the allegations are more than a DECADE old, it’s hard to feel sorry for the ‘victims’ since they didn’t come forward sooner. Victims? Maybe. Opportunistic? Definitely.
Simpson Gets Stuck: Surprising news! Jessica Simpson is pregnant! Not so surprising news: her ex, Tony Romo, still sucks.
Looking for the Hitler in Hiding: And finally, this week we said ‘Goodbye’ to two heavyweights… Joe Frazier and rap musician, Heavy D. If you missed Angry Ward Wednesday, check it out as it was a GREAT salute to Joe Frazier, with a link to one of the best pieces of sports journalism ever. As for Heavy D, the word on the street is that he had been working with trainers in an effort to slim down. Autopsy results still aren’t in but if I had to guess, he was familiar with the bacon-wrapped dog carts at Chavez Ravine. (Ever spot him around the carts West Coast Craig?) All I can say is this… between Heavy D, Rex Ryan, Rob Ryan, and the ever-inflating Ben Rothlisberger, if you’re too fat… it’s hard to find the little Hitler, much less make him salute. As you sidle up to the leftover Halloween candy and get ready to enter the holiday season of excess… keep that in mind. A tip from Cookie to you. You’re welcome.
Come on back tomorrow for a guy who’s probably fathered a small college campus of illegitimate kids, The Public Professor.