Crappy Thanksgiving To Me

Cheesy Bruin

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY – I awoke at 9:30 AM to the kids saying they were going to the movies. After wishing the brood a Happy Thanksgiving, they out the door to catch the 10:20 showing of Arthur Christmas. Knowing breakfast would be the only shot at a decent meal on this day – my wife’s culinary skills are on par with those of an eight-year-old experimenting with an E-Z Bake Oven – Thanksgiving came on the day’s first meal; an omelet, sausage and biscuits with country gravy. Delicious. It was all downhill from there…

After Matt Lauer called my favorite NHL team the Boston Brewers during the parade telecast, Fantasy Lineups had to be in by kickoff of the first game. Jermichael Finley, my only TE, is window-dressing for both rosters – Green Bay’s and mine. Then there was selecting a QB for the week; Tony Romo later in the day or Drew Brees Monday versus the G-Men. I chose Romo, and while Miami’s regular kicker Dan Carpenter is out with a groin injury, I am forced to start Ryan Longwell on Sunday.

Lobotomies all around

After the heavy breakfast and a laborious crap, I wind up taking a twenty-five minute nap, only to awake to the dog licking his under carriage on the area rug, as if he were in some doggy porn flick… right below the couch pillow where my head was frogging resting! Whatever. I then did some laundry because all the girls in my life think they’re Kardashians. Then on to some prep work on the molding around the windows and baseboards. Hoping to paint sometime soon.

At this point, the Cowboys game was about a half hour from kickoff, so I made a few phone calls. The Estrogen Trio finally shows up after watching THREE movies. They parade through the house like Macy’s floats as I converse on the phone and hence, cut the calls short. Shake ‘N Bake chicken and Stove Top stuffing headline the “feast” prepared by the wife. I mean, her kitchen creativity makes your average Jewish woman look like Wolfgang Puck. (Cookie, you’re only half Jewish, so relax. And Lori Levine is not average in any department).

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While dining, Romo is turning in an unspectacular performance. On the heels of this mistake, it’s all but certain Brees throws for 400 yards and at least 4 TD’s. Oh, and one more knife to the gut is Miami attempting 5 FG’s (making 4) which should’ve been my cornucopia of treys—but not on this day. I didn’t bother paying attention to the Har-Bowl and drowned myself in the remains of the 1.5 quart container of Turkey Hill Cookies ‘N Cream ice cream. Do you remember when ice cream was packaged by the gallon?

After some channel surfing, bypassing the Yankeeography marathon and thoughts of how long before the Luis Sojo or Ken Clay biography premieres, it wasn’t until I stumbled upon ESPNClassic and an episode of The White Shadow that a smile came upon my face. Great theme music, Steven Bochco writing, and Bruce Paltrow directing/producing a series at a time when my mom’s lasagna AND turkey were regular Thanksgiving fare. Thankfully, this holiday is over!

Catch West Coast Craig on Cyber Monday.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.