BRONX, NY – Last week I graded the AFC QBs at the NFL season’s midpoint, so as promised – here is the NFC Review.
Dallas Cowboys: Above Average. Tony Romo gets this grade in terms of talent but its application is below average. Forget his off-field decisions, like giant games of hide n seek and Jessica Simpson. He implodes with such talent and inconsistency when you think, ‘He won’t this time.‘
New York Giants: Above Average. Eli Manning is far from Elite, no matter what you tell yourself. Young Manning, you will never be as good as Peyton.
Philadelphia Eagles: Above Average. Michael Vick may cause dog-lovers to turn away and leave the site… but still. Yet, Mike needs to get it together. We all know he has the talent but his team is struggling and it is because they depend on him to make plays. Use your arm AND your legs, Mikey!!
Washington Redskins: Bum and a Bum’s back-up. Rex Grossman/John Beck??? Washington has used both of these guys to lose games. I thought Shanahan was an offensive guru/genius – funny how he looks more human without John Elway. Rex did his best to lose the Super Bowl for Da Bearsa few years back… and succeeded. The other guy?
You: Help police, I have been mugged by John Beck.
Officer: Can you describe the man that mugged you?
You: He was a foot tall, cylinder-shaped in appearence and had a hood that looked like a wire.
Officer: Sir you just described a can of paint.
You: Oh well, carry on Officer.
Chicago Bears: See Tony Romo. Jay Cutler? He has yet to even win a division! Now he has Mad Mike Martz as his Coordinator, so time will tell.
Detroit Lions: Incomplete. Matthew Stafford is good – that’s what Different Matt says. That may be true but he’s been diagnosed with Brittle Bone Syndrome, so until that improves, me and his Fantasy Footballfans will continue to be meh!!
Green Bay Packers: Elite Standard. Aaron Rodgers is the people’s champ. He needs no words from me to tell you how great he is. Ask Brett Favre.
Minnesota Vikings – Donovan McNabb/Christian Ponder; Bums!! McNabb is now a has been. Christian Ponder makes me imagine a what some gets when they merge Tebowing with The Thinkerstatue. Answer is a never will be.
Atlanta Falcons: Average. Matt Ryan was above avg for the first 2 seasons, but has caught a case of the Philip Rivers and regressed a bit.
Carolina Panthers: Elite-in-Training. Cam Newton is the Anti-Tebow; College QB stud that has come into the league and makes it look like its child’s play. Wait til he actually knows what he is doing. Expect Carolina to trade last years 1st round QB pick Jimmy “Santa” Clausen in the off-season cause he won’t ever take Cam’s job and they will want a vet to hold Cam’s hand as he becomes Elite.
New Orleans Saint: Elite. Drew Brees? Look at his numbers if you doubt him. My only problem is he spreads the ball too much, so its worthless having a Saints reciever on your Fantsay Team.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Elite in Training. Josh Freeman is a bit like Andy Dalton in that most of us wouldn’t know Josh Freeman from Morgan Freeman. He has made the Bucs better so fast, it was ridiculous. The future is NOW and it is Joshavits that will lead the Bucs. Now time to bring back the Creamsicle Jerseys.
Arizona Cardinals: Overrated Bum & Incomplete. Kevin Kolb/John Skelton; Kolb has all the tools but has yet to show he can win. Skelton is not as talented as Kolb but might win if he can get some help from the rest of the team. QBs can look good even when the team sucks; see below.
St. Louis Rams: Above Average. Sam Bradford is not as brittle as Strafford, but he needs to stay healthy for the Rams to win. Like his God (not a typo) buddy Colt McCoy, you would see the talent they had if their teams weren’t so below avg.
San Francisco 49ers: Incomplete. Alex Smith’s first 6 seasons can be found on the side of a milk carton. Now all of a sudden, a guy that was fighting for time with Shaun Hill and J.T. O’Hurley (or some guy who’s name sounded like an Irish theme restaurant), is Elite!? No way! The Niner coaches haven’t been great, but this is the greatest late bloomer story ever.
Seattle Seahawks: A never will be and a never should be. Tarvaris Jackson/Charlie Whithurst are lucky their division sucks because Seattle have (English conjugation) no business winning more than 4 games with these two.
Different Matt, tomorrow. And I bought some wine.