The Alter- Today I am performing a wedding.
You heard that right. I’m gonna be the guy who stands up there and pronounces them Man and Wife.
About a year ago, a former student of mine named Chris asked if I would officiate his wedding. Becky, the bride-to-be, was also a former student of mine. In fact, they’d taken my U.S. History introductory survey together about ten years ago, back when they first started dating.
We’d stayed in touch over the years. I wrote Chris a letter of recommendation to graduate school (he just finished his Master’s), played some softball with him, and so forth. And then he asked if I would officiate their wedding.
The request came as a complete surprise. While I had DJ’d a couple of weddings in my younger days, I’ve never before performed one. But I agreed without giving it a second thought.
Thus far, the question I’ve gotten most is: Are you actually certified to marry anyone?
Of course not. I’m a professor, not a confessor. Not until now at least. The happy couple decided that I should join one of the fun “churches” on the web. Personally, I would have gone with Venganza, better known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But it’s their wedding, so I left it up to them. As a result, I am now duly registered with The Church of the Dude, a.k.a. Dudism. Got me a certificate and everything. Not that it makes me anymore legal. It’s really just for show.
Here’s how it works. Chris and Becky went down to City Hall and got the marriage license ahead of time. So when they’re standing in front of me later today, all the legalities will already be in place. When I tell them to say, “I do,” they already did.
So mostly I’m a silver-tongued set piece. And to that end, I had them come by and pick through my wardrobe, including my extensive collection of ties (over a hundred), to choose my ensmeble for the special day.
Of course they went with my heaviest wool suit, because they like the dark gray color. It’s gonna be pushing 90 and nary a breeze. But who am I to say No? They also chose a white shirt with light blue pin stripes, and a shiny, light purple tie, which they liked because apparently it will complement what the groomsmen and bridesmaids are wearing.
The whole outfit came back from the dry cleaner’s earlier this week, so I my second choice of cutoffs and a wife beater is officially nixed.
In all seriousness though, being asked to do this was a tremendous honor and very humbling. And in no way is it an honor because of what it may or may not say about me; rather, I am profoundly honored to be asked because Chris and Becky kind, generous, thoughtful, and honest people. In short, they’re good kids. And so I am honored to play whatever part I can during this special day in their lives.
Here’s hoping I remember my lines.
Cheesy Bruin is holding the cue cards tomorrow.