College Football Picks, Dumbest Trophies & Lost Classic Match-Ups

College Football Picks

WACO, TX – One of the things you gotta love about College Football is its rivalries. Weird trophies litter the college landscape after the big game against good ol’ Rival U, for the winners. But enough about their dating life…. Lately, the college landscape has been changing quicker than Lindsey Lohan’s rehab program, ending some long-standing match-ups of note. This includes the annual Texas versus Texas A&M Thanksgiving bash. The abandonment of this game is underscored by the A&M fight song’s lyrics, which talk about beating Texas:

The Aggie War Hymn
Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck!
Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck!
Good-bye to Texas University
So long to the Orange and the White
Good luck to the dear old Texas Aggies
They are the boys that show the real old fight
“The eyes of Texas are upon you…”
That is the song they sing so well
So good-bye to Texas University
We’re going to beat you all to–
Rough Tough! Real Stuff! Texas A&M!

It’s so great to hear A&M fans sing it, ‘cept they don’t play ‘em anymore! Bummer.
Some other great games that have gone the way of a dime beer include;
Pitt vs Penn State: It went from 1896 to 2000 and ended when Joe Paterno had a spastic case of grumpy ol’ man and decided that he didn’t want to recruit against Pitt anymore. But then, Paterno was always a tool, as subsequent events have shown.
Oklahoma vs Nebraska: gave us some truly great games until the Corn Holes decided to join the Big 10.
Texas vs. Arkansas played in the “game of the century” back in 1969 with President Dick Nixon in attendance and had an awesome rivalry…people with teeth versus people with less than a full set. Alack and alas, no mo’ fork the pork for the Longhorns after Arkansas split and joined the SEC, where they could play people who share a similar DNA make up.
And Mizzou joined the SEC last year which ended both the border war with Kansas (for an Indian war drum) and the Telephone Trophy battle with Iowa State, who they had been playing since 1896. Hey…was their refrigerator running.

Speaking of trophies, teams play for all sorts of razzmatazz.
Illinois & Northwestern used to play for the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk until they decided it was politically incorrect a few years back.

Florida & Miami play for the Seminole War Canoe… they are obvious much less PC and don’t care if they offend the people they defeated and stole land from a couple of centuries ago.

They have hotter chicks too.

Notre Dame & Purdue still play for the Shillelagh Trophy, since no one gives a rats behind if you make fun of the Irish. Hell, the Irish make fun of themselves, as evidenced by their d-bag leprechaun mascot. The Domers also play USC for the Jeweled Shillelagh, because everything costs more out in El Aye.

Some of my favorites are Floyd of Rosedale, the pig trophy for Iowa State vs Iowa game. The Hardee’s Trophy goes to the winner of the Clemson & South Carolina game…wonder if it comes with fries?

Indiana & Michigan State play for an Old Brass Spittoon, while Louisville and Cincinnati play for a Keg of Nails. And the Little Brown Jug goes to the winner of Minnesota & Michigan.

But my favorite comes from the land of coffee, wine, brew pubs and kind bud… The Platypus. This trophy goes to the winner of the “Civil War” between Oregon & Oregon State, which winds up the regular season for these rivals. Whoa dude…we win The Platypus? party on.

Key games this week…
#3 South Carolina versus #9 Ellis Ewe. Cocks defense is hard. Cocks 28, Ewe 7.
#13 Oklahoma against #15 Texas in the Red River rivalry, played at the Texas State Fair. Okies prevail, 38 to 35.
#7 Notre Dame takes on the Atheists of Stanford, who are ranked #17. God prevails, 27 to 17.
#22 Texas A&M thought they were scheduling a cream puff…jokes on them as #23 Louisiana Tech is undefeated. They stay that way in an offensive expolsion.  Tech over Aggies 55 to 50.
BYU upsets #10 Oregon State in another victory for the God squad. 17 to 13.
Oh… And can Rutgers keep it up? No. Syracuse 24, Rutgers 21.
I’ll be in Waco, watching TCU vs Baylor and watching all the Bible Bangers of Baptist U get sneaky drunk. God wins either way on this one. TCU 42, Baylor 41.

See ya at the game.

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About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.