Little Big Men: College Football’s Crazy Coaches, Plus College Football Picks

Young Beano

FORT WORTH, TX – Those of us who follow the College gridiron game lament the recent passing of Beano Cook, one of the great historians, commentators and personalities associated with the game. I was kind of wondering what ol’ Beano, who hailed from working class Pittsburgh, would think of some of the class acts that currently populate the head coach position across the nation.

Nick Saban: Down in the SEC,  Allie Bammie’s head coach was last seen smiling when he ran over the neighbor’s cat. At $32 million, he has the honor of being the highest paid state employee in Alabama… which has a University its football team can be proud of. Despite various rules infractions, including running off non-performers to free up new scholarships, Saban has cult-like status down in the Heart of Dixie. Just win baby.

Steve Spurrier: Up in South Carolina, the head cock lives up to that by name by routinely running up the score when they play mismatched non-division opponents. Classy. Real classy.

Les Miles: The “Mad Hatter” is ensconced over at Baton Rouge coaching the LSU Tigers. Miles, known for his somewhat off-beat antics, has also managed to send quite a few assistants into the head coaching ranks. Most of them – like him – are prone to weird temper tantrums and what not, though.

Bo Pellini: The current head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers was an assistant under Miles. Bo screams, yells, sweats, bulges his neck and generally acts like an overall a-hole…at the pregame press conference. Once on the sidelines, he really goes into overdrive. Well once a cornhole, always a cornhole.

Mike Gundy: Another Miles protégé, , is known for his now infamous rant about a newspaper article that had the temerity to criticize one of his players.

Gundy also fired a painter who was working at his house for wearing a University of Oklahoma t-shirt. Gundy’s brother, by the way, is an O.U. assistant coach. Wonder how they spend the holidays together. Makes me wanna puke.

Mike Leach: My favorite character is former Texas Tech and current Washington State coach. Leach has a penchant for pirates and has been known to tell his team before games to “swing their swords.” Maybe he should have gotten the South Carolina job. Anyway, Leach’s affinity for pirates came to bear in a cameo he made on the TV series Friday Night Lights. In the show’s fourth season, he portrays a “random loon” at a gas station who implores a despondent coach Eric Taylor to “swing your sword” and “find your inner pirate.” Yaar!

Now for some sure-fire College Football Picks. Some great games on tap this week:

Temple 24, # 19 Rutgers 20. The Yo-Yo-Yo Bowl, as the boys from Philly take on the boys from Joisey. Perhaps they should play for the “Cheap Tramp Trophy”, or the “Too Much Mascara Cup”. Sooner or later the Rutgers unbeaten train has got to end… of course I’ve been saying that for a couple of weeks now. But I’m going with Temple… hoot, owls, hoot…
#6 LSU 20, #18 Texas A&M 17. These teams used to play each other all the time in a non conference rivalry back in the days of the SWC. Whup, gig em…but the LSU D is too much for the Aggies.
#2 Florida 10, #7 South Carolina 7. Gators chow down on the Cocks as they continue to head for an SEC championship showdown with Bama.
#4 Kansas State 23 #13 West Virginny 17. Texas Tech exposed the Mountaineers soft D last week. A very physical Kansas State team beats them up this week.
#23 TCU 31. #17 Texas Tech 21. Doctor Diz will be at this one, played here in Fort Worth before a standing room only crowd. Both teams feature strong D’s and can move the ball. Home field advantage and solid coaching by TCU’s Gary Patterson and staff make the difference.
Detroit Tigers Pitching… Lots. A-Rod and fans like Yankee Joe. Not so much. Whoops… that one already happened. It’s wait’ll next year for fans of the Pinstripes.. so time to watch some football.

See ya at the game.

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About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.