Harbaugh’s A Dick, Nats Are Cowards

Crazy like a Dick
A likable Dick!

Inside Jim Harbaugh’s Head –  In previous columns, I’ve talked about how and why I think San Francisco head coach Jim Harbaugh is a dick.  And there’s really no end to it.  New York fans got another taste of it this week when Harbaugh attacked Giants offensive coordinator Kevin Gilbride.

After complimenting 49er defensive lineman Justin Smith during a press conference, Gilbride claimed that Smith gets away with a lot of defensive holding. This was just part of the pre-game head games we see from time to time: Gilbride was obviously looking for an edge by working the refs during the run up to another NY-SF head-knocker. Not that they needed it.  How’s 26-3 on the road for a statement?

Anyway, Smith’s been one of the NFL’s best defensive linemen for more than a decade, and of course Harbaugh was right to defend him.  But as is so often the case, it’s not what Harbaugh does, but how he does it.  This time, his response was so boorish and bizarre that even the Wall Street Journal covered it (via the A.P.) Instead of talking directly to reporters, Harbaugh issued a blathering press release.

Kevin Gilbride’s outrageous, irrational statement regarding Justin Smith’s play is, first, an absurd analogy.”

Irrational? What the hell is Harbaugh talking about? Gilbride was being the exact opposite of irrational.  Everyone understands that his statement was a rational, calculated attempt to sway the officiating crew. But wait, it gets worse.

Analogy? Analogy! Does this fellow Michigan grad have any clue?  Come on guy, you’re making us look bad (I’m class of ’89).  It was an an assertion.  It was not not an analogy.  Or a metaphor.  Or an allegory.  Or any other complex literary device. Back to English 101, blockhead.

DeadSpin’s take on this is that Jim Harbaugh is a crazy person.  And there may be some merit to that.  Just look in his eyes.  He’s obviously not right in the head.  And more generally, most abusive bullies are in fact mentally ill.

But really, the main problem is he’s a dick.  A standard bulletin board moment gets him so aggravated that he has to issue an illiterate memo because he’s got too much steam coming out of his ears to face the press in person.

Crazy like a Dick

And now, I finally have first-hand confirmation that Jim Harbaugh is in fact, a dick.

I was recently talking to the father an of NFL veteran.  No names to protect the innocent.  This NFL dad mentioned that he’d asked Harbaugh to do something.  Harbaugh smiled and said, Yeah, he’d do that for him in a couple of weeks.  But Harbaugh never did.

What was asked and agreed to is unimportant for our purposes.  Suffice to say would, it would have meant a lot to the NFL dad (and his NFL player son).  And Harbaugh’s not following through, after having agreed to do so, was very disappointing.

Why would he do that?” the NFL father asked me.  “Why would he say he’s going to do that and not do it?
Because he’s a dick?” I answered Socratically.
The father smiled.  “Yeah, you’re right.  He is a dick.

It’s official.  Jim Harbaugh’s a dick. We then toasted and shifted the conversation to a more pleasant topic.

BASEBALL:  I’m sick of the Cardinals and their underdog, feel-good B.S.  But quite frankly, the Nationals got exactly what they deserved.  Once they made the cowardly decision to sit ace Stephen Strasburg for the remainder of the season. They did this for fear of an injury he doesn’t actually have, but might sustain should he pitch some more. In essence, they fundamentally forfeited all rights to the World Series, as far as I’m concerned.

He’s no Kenny Powers

The Nats’ refusal to even pitch Strasburg out of the bullpen reveals not only a stunning degree of cowardice, but also a willingness to sacrifice the very real welfare of the entire team for the completely hypothetical well-being of one player.  Simply nauseating. And we all know that if Strasburg had pitched the 9th inning of game 5, or even come in to relieve Drew Storen, Washington would probably be playing in the NLCS right now.

Tell me that won’t divide the clubhouse next year.  Either way, to hell with ’em.  Now I hope they never reach the Fall Classic.  This organization had their chance, and they blinked. Cowards.

West Coast Craig’s dog ate his homework, so he won’t be talking  the Yankees or Steelers or his kid’s paintball war, so you’re stuck with me today. Please feel free to weigh in below.

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About The Public Professor 79 Articles
Mattville's George Plimpton, The Public Professor, is indeed a real, honest-to-goodness, legitimate professor at a major Maryland university. But because he doesn't have a cell phone or cable, he's crazy enough to be with us. A member of Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse, the terrorized Bronx graffiti artist's by correcting their grammar. His loves? The Yankees, Knicks, NY Rangers and the Pittsburgh Steelers. He also has a real website: ThePublicProfessor.com (https://www.thepublicprofessor.com/).