THE HINTERLANDS, CT: Cookie here. Ya miss me? Nah. I wasn’t hibernating, just had a week off during a stretch of a few that really tested what I’m made of (aside from sugar, and spice, and everything nice.. there’s a heaping dose of tough bitch in there, too). And I’m pleased to report that since my last post (or rather, since West Coast Craig’s post on Monday), the weather here in Siberia the Northeast has FINALLY gotten to near normal where it should be. We’re nearing the sixty-degree norm and things are blooming. I even busted a sweat today on a bike ride, which I missed. So it got me to thinking about the Top 10 Things I Love About Summer… and a few things I WILL love about THIS summer. Let’s review:
10) March Madness: FINALLY ended… in April. That team with that Ware-Did-My-Payoff-For-Drinking-Milk-To-Get-Strong-Bones-Go won it all… I think. See how much I care? And you do too. By now, no one knows what’s up with that kid. He could be sporting a peg leg by now for all we know. Yar.
9) Tank Tops: I love ’em. I look good in ’em. Being less endowed has its privileges.
8) LiLo Is ALWAYS Set to Blow: She was on a talk show and cried about her alcohol and drug problem and needing treatment. This should last until about mid July, when she’ll show up scantily clad (she’s got a fab rack… second only to Lori Levine’s) and will invariably smack up another Porsche. Sometime this summer, her long awaited movie The Canyons will release, thereby signaling the first Meet The Matts movie outing where everyone will happily pay to see her playing a porn actress being plowed by the well-endowed James Deen. (Matts… you can buy my popcorn for that stellar idea. You’re welcome).
7) Hockey Season… is over. While Different Matt and I would say this was usually a negative… seeing the short season and Sybil-like playing personality of the Rangers this season… hockey over.
6) Beach Season Is Upon Us! The likes of me, Angry Ward & Different Matt love to laze around on a beach. There’s beer. There’s babes… what’s not to like? Also, I get to wear a bikini (see ‘Tank Tops” listing above).
5) Triathlon Season Is Here! I know. You don’t want to hear about it… so that’s all I’ll say there.
4) Pregnant People Are Set to Blow: There’s nothing more gratifying when you make the decision that you will not procreate or never will procreate again than seeing people burgeoning with child, sweating in the heat. It just validates your decision. And then there are realities like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West bringing some big-assed, big-lipped and insanely stupid child into the world which makes you wonder whether the world’s hands are already too full to handle THAT newborn.
3) Baseball: Yup. I don’t care if the Yankees stink up the joint or if their team is held together with spit and a dream… I love baseball. There’s plenty to watch and by golly, it’s best done at the ball yard. I will get out there, soak in the sun, have some beers and toast the boys of summer.
2) Horsies: are back here on the East Coast! The Triple Crown races are just days away… as is the opening of Belmont. Take the kids to Belmont.. let them run around like so many losing bet tickets in the wind and have a few brewskies. (Damn. That seems pretty much a good fit for America’s Favorite Pastime, too. Hmmm.
1) Summer Adult Beverages: I love a good margarita… tho my new premium vodka on the rocks, filthy with fresh squeezed lime is a CLOSE second. So good on a hot summer day. Whatever your fave drink of the summer, it just tastes better when you’re happy and summer lovin.’
And with that…I toast you, welcome the weekend, and summer. Come on back this weekend too for the warm breezy Preacher’s Row…
