NEW YORK, NY – The other night here in New York the Metropolitan Museum of Art hosted its annual “Met Gala” for all manner of glitterati and starf**kers who like to dress up like imbeciles and have their pictures taken by a rabid bunch of camera-wielding monkeys. It’s quite the scene. I was shocked when MTM management got me a press pass to the event, only to discover that I was invited to an altogether different shindig out in Queens called “The Mets’ Gala.” Here’s how it went.
Very Red Carpet. The Met Gala has your standard red carpet situation, where celebutards roll up in ridiculous limos and pour themselves out onto a red carpet, ready to be interviewed by highly-varnished talk-bots. The Mets’ Gala carpet starts out snow white, but halfway through it’s crimson red, soaked through with the blood of injured Mets players. Also they get interviewed by mouth-breathers and cloud-yellers like Short Matt and yours truly.
Q & A. Attendees at the Met Gala get asked softball questions like “Who’s your date tonight?” and “Who are you wearing?” Followed by answers like “I’m with my coke dealer” and “I’m wearing Prada.” At the Mets’ Gala the main question is “What are you wearing?” The answers are things like “neck brace” and “arm cast” and “an elaborate network of trusses.”
Notable Attendees. This year’s Met Gala was hosted by Anna Wintour, Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen, Katy Perry and Pharrell Williams. The Mets’ Gala was hosted by The New York Hospital for Special Surgery and Horse Racing at the Meadowlands. The Met Gala sported names like Rihanna, Aziz Ansari, and anyone named Jenner. The Mets’ Gala featured names like d’Arnaud, Duda, and Cellino & Barnes Injury Attorneys 1-800-888-8888.
***OK, here’s the part where I cop to the fact that I really thought that there was going to be a writers’ strike and I was going to use this week to show some solidarity and join the picket line. There’s real stuff going on in sports as I write this. Here it is.
Rangers/Ottawa. This was clearly going to be a bounce back game for the Blueshirts and they are up 3-0 in the second as I try to finish this off. Look, there’s no way the NHL isn’t rooting for the NYR to advance. Hell, I want them to stick around! Rangers vs. either Washington or Pittsburgh in next round would be awesome.
Mets, Yanks, and NBA. Still recovering from The Mets’ Gala, the Mets are trying to win their second straight in Atlanta. Matt Harvey does not look like a guy about to cash in on a big contract… The Yankees are bouncing back from getting shelled by the worst team in baseball last night and are back on track to finish just out of the playoffs… Speaking of playoffs, my Warriors kick it off against a Utah team that I think just might give them fits.
I need to eat dinner now. Come back tomorrow for a heaping helping of Buddy Diaz and probably some Yankees propaganda. And you can find us on Twitter at @Angry_Ward, @MeetTheMatts & @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.
