NEW YORK, NY – Good Wednesday to you, ladies and gents! If you happen to be the type of person who occasionally takes delight in the sports misery of others (*Spoiler Alert* I do.), then, Boy Howdy!, are these boom times for you. The past couple of weeks have provided a veritable smorgasbord of sports schadenfreude for just about everyone to dig into. So, what are we waiting for? Let’s put on the feedbags and chow down!
Hockey Horror Picture Show. Holy puck, where to even begin with what went down in the first round of the NHL playoffs. Naturally, my Minnesota Wild got bounced by Dallas. But that’s like a parsley garnish on your plate—expected and immediately tossed aside. The main course, of course, was the Boston Bruins getting bounced by Florida in Game 7… in Boston! If you take joy in rooting against all things Boston, this wasn’t the Giants ending the Patriots‘ undefeated season in SB XLII, but it was pretty big. The Bruins were virtually unstoppable this year, breaking records along the way, so a first round exit was particularly harsh. Others getting bounced included defending chumps Colorado losing to Seattle (?) LOL!, Toronto at long last figuring out Tampa Bay, and the Rangers bowing out Monday to New Jersey. I know this last one doesn’t really qualify as an upset but—as dominant as New York looked those first two games and as rabid as their fans are—it does qualify as funny.
The Wounded Wealthy. I’ve stated this before, but I will once more, for clarity: I NEVER root for anyone to get injured in sports. But looking at Major League Baseball’s IL these days is like looking inside a meat locker for baseball’s mega-millionaires. Naturally, Jacob deGrom is back on the list. No one wants him there, least of all the Texas Rangers, but by now you can set your $37 million watch to it. The Mets have already had a taste of what it’s like to anchor your starting rotation to two guys hovering around age 40 and both making over $40 million. Justin Verlander‘s about to come back, but how long can Max Scherzer hold up without rosin (IT’S ROSIN!) to hold his arm together. And the Yankees, those suddenly last-place Yankees, have got almost $100 million on the IL between Stanton, Judge, and Rodon alone. So, to summarize, injuries bad, but Yankees in last good.
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend. I’ll say it again, having one of my least favorite players in the NFL play for one of my least favorite teams in 2023, is such a welcome development. Yessir, Aaron Rodgers on the Jets is going to be appointment negative-TV viewing for yours truly this Fall. Finally I can start asking everyone if they’re watching the weird new show that I’M watching.
NBA Playoffs Hits Its Rancor Sweet Spot. The NBA Playoffs are down to 8 teams and NOW you really have some teams you can stand to pull like hell against. Sure the Warriors almost went out against the Kings and that would have thrilled a bunch of people, but does anyone dislike the Bucks so much that their exit did something for them? Now you LeBron and Steph haters get to choose sides, and Philly has already stolen one from the Celtics in Boston, sending that already-reeling town into a full-on shame spiral. Miami/New York comes fully-loaded with violent history and the always-welcome chance to watch Knicks fans suffer. And, last but not least, I can’t be the only one dying to see the Nuggets (already up 2-0) knock out Kevin Durant and his latest “Super Team,” Phoenix. It’s all bad… which is to say, Damn Good. Enjoy!
Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who I guarantee will be talking some Knicks.
