NEW YORK, NY – Hold on a second… it’s June??? How did that happen? Was Spring even a thing this year? Seems like we’re running a tad ahead of schedule, if you ask me. Guess it kinda makes sense. After all, the Knicks and Rangers were both prematurely pretty great this year, the Mets are already printing “Everything Must Go” fliers for their annual MLB Trade Deadline selloff, and NYC’s jury pools are open for summer and getting business done in record time. What else is happening?
Justin Jefferson is Movin’ On Up. Step aside George and Weezy, Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Justin Jefferson just agreed to a 4-year deal—including $110 million guaranteed!!! That will make him the highest-paid non-QB in NFL history. So, yet another insane financial bar has been set but, as everyone knows, NFL owners can more than afford it. (Lookin’ at you, Jerry Jones.) Of course, if new Vikes QB J.J. McCarthy is a bust (again, that surname bothers me), this money won’t buy any more than it did when Minnesota paid Kirk Cousins his millions. For now, though, I’m glad Jefferson stays a Viking.
The Yankees are Really Good & the Mets are Really Bad. This is as bad as it gets for fans of the New York Mets. These are the worst of times. Not much more to say, really. At least I have Seattle. Dodgers visiting the Bronx this weekend should be great though. Too bad MLB is far too shortsighted to make sure these games are readily available for all baseball fans to catch on TV.
Go Edmonton Oilers! There’s no way I’m pulling for Florida in the Stanley Cup, especially since a team from Canada hasn’t hoisted the Cup in over 30 years. That’s just ridiculous. Also, bring back the Quebec Nordiques, fer cryin’ out loud. Saw someone wearing a Nords baseball cap the other day. Outstanding.
Pat McAfee Said Something Stupid. This isn’t even a story. This is just what ESPN is now. 24/7/365 Hot Take Doofuses.
Jets Rookie Not Cutting Hair Until He’s a Super Bowl Champ. What can I say, it’s a slow news day. Some dude the New York Jets drafted in the 5th Round named Qwan’tez Stiggers has vowed not to cut his hair until he wins a Super Bowl. To paraphrase Roy Scheider in Jaws, “He’s gonna need a bigger helmet.” In related news, my DiMaggio-like streak of not growing any more hair on my head until the Vikings win a Super Bowl, is still going strong with no end in sight. Get back to me in 30+ years when this all gets serious, Qwan’tez.
Okay, I’m seriously done for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who isn’t showering until McDonald’s makes the McRib a permanent part of its menu.
