BRONX, NY – I suppose I’m obligated to wish everyone out there a Happy New Year. There, I did it. New calendars and new beginnings always bring with them a fair share of, at least attempted, new behaviors. People break up, people start new relationships, gym memberships skyrocket, booze sales dip, and pretty much everyone swears off ever visiting this dreadful site again. Some of it sticks, a lot more it don’t. It’s also a time when you hear this expression: “Out with old, in with the new.” Funny, but, “Out with the Old” always seems like a good idea, but sometimes it isn’t. Let’s look at some examples of both.
Aaron Rodgers. There is no way in hell Aaron Rodgers will be playing with the Jets next year. On that we can all agree. But, while it might seem like a great idea for both the Jets and Mr. Wonderful, it’s a true worst-case scenario for many of us who can’t stand either and want this show to last at least one more season… if not 10. When something brings you such unbridled joy, you never want it to end. Thanks for two good years of fun and frolic you insufferable bozos.
RIP, Lenny Randle. News came down two days ago that utility man and all-around great baseball character Lenny Randle had passed. Lenny was a decent enough player to hang around the bigs for 12 seasons, and even hit .304 for the otherwise-abysmal 1977 Mets. The Hall of Fame should have a permanent exhibit surrounding THE BUNT, and Lenny Randle should be its centerpiece. Google Lenny Randle Bunt and see what I mean. In the meantime, enjoy this sublime performance piece. Farewell, Lenny.
Brian Daboll. In case there was any doubt left as to what the Giants were going to do with Brian Daboll after the season (was there?), there sure isn’t now. Knowing this, I sure hope he has the G-Men going full throttle that final game against the Eagles. Who knows, maybe the Jets will hire him.
Zeke. The Cowboys cut Ezekiel Elliott yesterday, which wasn’t exactly a surprise. But they claim the move was made in hopes that’s he’d clear waivers and have a chance to latch on with a playoff team… and I can’t stop laughing. Yes, I’m quite sure the Chiefs, Bills, Lions, etc. are already lining up for his services. What would be funniest would obviously be the Jets or Giants claiming him. Let’s make this happen, please.
Short Matt’s Underpants. Finally, our own Short Matt’s long-suffering wife is begging him to finally part with several pairs of his so-called “lucky underwear.” The underpants in question reportedly have more holes than PGA National Resort and more impressive streaks than DiMaggio’s 56. As of press time, negotiations are ongoing.
That’s all for the first day of 2025. Come on back tomorrow for the new and improved Buddy Diaz.
