HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANGRY WARD!
WATCH AND LEARN
MIAMI, FL – One of my favorite aspects of The Super Bowl is the prop bet. People with way too much free time and disposable income betting on the most inane of possibilities and providing your reporter with material. Is this a great country or what?
I’ve taken actual prop bets from today’s game and paired them with equally ridiculous and totally made-up prop bets from the rest of the sports world. Enjoy.
The Citi Field Blind Spot Special – (56.5) the over/under or the total combined 2010 home runs for Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, David Wright, and the pitching staff. Although The Mutt Hut may not be as cavernous as last year, take the under.
THE LOVELY ELIN NORDEGREN
The Tiger Woods Ground Hog Day Procrastinator. (5.5) Total turnovers or the number of weeks before The Sexinator appears on Oprah. Both teams and Tiger’s paramours are adept at ball-handling. Take the under.
The Mr. Irrelevant. (28.5) Total yards gained by Jeremy Shockey or the number of laps Danica Patrick will race on the Red Neck circuit before some good ole boy puts her in the wall. I’d go with the over although it’ll be close. Shockey will leave after three receptions with an injured everything.
The Kardashian Kaper – (12-1) Odds that Reggie Bush scores the first touchdown or odds that the NFL has a lockout in 2011. Roger Goodell and Demaurice Smith will make it interesting just to keep pro football in the news, but there is no way in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks they’ll let a work stoppage occur on their watch. Stay away from this one.
The Butterfinger (1.5) The total number of fumbles lost or the total number of times in a typical interview Mike Francesa lets a sports figure finish a sentence. Ya can’t get a word in edgewise with this blowhard. Take the under.
The Rocker – (0.5) The number of guitars Pete Townshend smashes at the halftime show or the number of hips he breaks. This is a lead pipe lock (remember those?). Take the over and call Dr. James Andrews.
The Vomit Comet – (2.5) The number of times that Bourbon Street is shown live during the broadcast or the number of verbal reach-arounds Phil Simms and Jim Nantz give each other during the broadcast. Over, way over.
Colts win 34-28
Enjoy the game,
Rex
