BRONX, BOO YORK- Hey kids, it’s that time of year again. Halloween is upon us, which means you’ll be hearing Christmas music everywhere in like a week. But, before Christ-a-Palooza starts, you’ve got trick or treating to get to. This weekend coming up is also a big one for all the costume parties. As my usual public service, I’m offering up some cheap and easy last-second sports-themed Halloween costumes. Here goes.
Spooked Sam Darnold. Nothing says ghosts-and-goblins-time like a legitimately scared-stiff quarterback on the zombie team that is Gang Green. For this costume all you need is a Darnold Jersey, a helmet, and a pair of cheap drug store glasses with ghosts painted on ’em. “I see dead people.”
Stephen A. Smith. This costume is not for white people. We repeat, NOT FOR WHITE PEOPLE. But, for our friends of color, just get yourself a sports coat, tie, and spout obnoxiously loud sports takes ALL… NIGHT… LONG. If you’ve got friends who can dress up as Max Kellerman or Skip Bayless, all the better.
Antonio Brown’s Feet. This is a good costume for couples. Each of you cover yourselves from head to toe in cornflakes. Voila! You’re Antonio Brown’s feet.
Pete Alonso. Everyone’s favorite overly-exuberant New York Met is best accomplished with a full Alonso jersey, a bat and a whole bunch of baseballs. Trick your neighbors good, as you send moon shots through their windows on All Hallows’ Eve. Bonus points for tearing other people’s costumes off in Petey walk-off style.
Philadelphia Flyers Mascot, Gritty. Just fashion yourself a Donald Trump costume and throw a Flyers jersey and helmet on.
Yankee Stadium. Find a white cardboard box, write “Yankee Stadium” on it, fill it with dildos, and secure it to your head with a chinstrap. *C’mon, this is a pretty good costume idea.*
Rugby Enthusiast. Any drunk or hobo costume will suffice.
OK, I’m gonna take a break from the costume ideas and open the floor to your thoughts on the best Halloween candy and the worst thing you ever received as a Halloween treat. I’m partial to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups myself, and the worst thing I ever got was a sandwich bag full of prunes.
Speaking of treats, Buddy Diaz should be back around these parts tomorrow to treat you to a depressing Knicks preview or perhaps a bleak piece on the fading playoff hopes of his beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Either way, good times!
