BRACKASAURUSAPOTTAMUSOLOGY: NEW WAY TO HANDICAP SWEET SIXTEEN

SNOW BELT REGION, NY – Like many of you, we too are in a few NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament Bracket Pools – but honestly, we’re not doing very well in any of them. Our failures, however, are not due to the fact that we don’t know anything. No. Instead, we point the blame at the traditional egg-headed approach of breaking down the matchups. Kim Kardashian and the contestants on Celebrity Apprentice are in cahoots with us when we say that researching and breaking down the matchups is totally over-rated and flawed. So much so, in fact, that we felt a new science needed to be applied. With that, we give you the Foodies Sweet Sixteen Betting Plan (FSSBP). Here’s how it goes:

EAST REGIONAL
Pittsburgh: Home of Heinz Ketchup.
Xavier: Home of Cincinnati Chili.
Take Pitt – Life without ketchup would be impossible.

Duke: North Carolina BBQ
Villanova: Philly Cheesesteaks (Philview and The Phanatic just quivered).
Take ‘Nova – even wit whiz. You can get better BBQ elsewhere.

RESULT: Ketchup trumps cheesesteak in the Elite 8. After all, ketchup is not just the best condiment; it’s also a vegetable.

SOUTH REGIONAL
Oklahoma: Free range bison.
Syracuse: Salt City.
Take the ‘Cuse. Salt is the single greatest food group.

North Carolina: Yes, it’s BBQ again.
Gonzaga – Red Delicious apples.
Take the Tar Heels. Red Delicious apples are suckie.

RESULT: Salt is the king of foods so watch the Orangemen defeat Carolina to reach the Final Four.

MIDWEST REGIONAL
Louisville: Kentucky Bourbon
Arizona: Iced tea??
It was difficult to find an Arizonan delicacy. Their dried cow testicles were under consideration but we didn’t have the ____ to try them.
Louisville Cardinals romp.

Michigan State: The Michogan (chili smothered) Hot Dog.
Kansas: The original Pizza Hut.
Both of these are nasty; Spartans in a squeaker.

RESULT: Louisville Cardinals down Magic Johnson’s alma mater to move on to the Final Four.

WEST REGIONAL
Connecticut: Pizza State USA.
Purdue – Foul chicken.
Huskies cream the Boilermakers. With Mystic Pizza and Frank Pepe’s in New Haven, they’re hard to top.

Missouri: Home of Budweiser.
Memphis: Memphis BBQ.
The Memphis tomato-style barbeque tops the flagship swill from Anheuser Busch.

RESULT: Pizza is the ultimate fast food. Connecticut defeats the Tigers in the Elite 8 to reach the Final Four.

FINAL FOUR
No need to break this down for in a stunning upset, the Syracuse Orangemen will win the National Championship because salt is the single greatest food stuff. In fact, we eat it by the bowlful.

That’s all for today, please chime in below, tell some people about MTM and look for Sam’s-A-Fan tomorrow… Or is it Cookie’s Corner??? Either way, it will be a great one!

P.S. At Tuesday night’s Pub Quiz Tall Matt, jgclancy, Grote2DMax and sgold were graced with the presence of Angry Ward, jgc’s brother Kevin and our Inwood buddy Brett. This All Star team still couldn’t do better than 3rd place in what was a very difficult quiz. Here are a two we got wrong:
What country hosted and WON the first FIFA World Cup?
In what country would you find the Port of Mocha?

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