DUMBO, NYC â€“ We havenâ€™t yet found the memo that must have been issued to all NFL teams two weeks ago. You know, the urgent one re exposure during March Madness. It’s the one with this wording: WE NEED ANY AND ALL PRESS; DO SOMETHING DUMB! When we finally do find it, weâ€™re sure weâ€™ll be able to more fully understand the idiocy that filled a seasonâ€™s quota of stupidity in just a fortnight. Aside from the tragedy of the inexperienced poor souls that decided taking a 21-foot boat out 50 miles and then drinking all day before capsizing their boat by throttling forward to loosen an improperly anchored anchor, there were some real doozies. And of course the local teams we were right there in the middle of it all.
Kerry Rhodes, a frogginâ€™ safety, felt the need to undermine chance his team might have at acquiring Bronco Pro Bowl QB Jay Cutler with the following:
“Me and Jay just don’t get along too well right nowâ€¦ You can be confident, but when you’re too confident for your own self, that can be a little toughâ€¦ He can make a lot of things happen on the field. We saw him do it against us. I don’t know if that means I want him, but he’s a good player.”
Suffice to say, vinny from brooklyn (our beloved Jet fan) canâ€™t be happy with Kerry. Hey Kerry, whoâ€™d you rather have, Brooks Clemensinger or Cutler? You dumbie/dumby! Our advice to the Jets: Show Rhodes the highway and get Cutler and Tony Gonzalez.
With Plaxico Burress desperately trying to avoid sideways pinstripes, his lawyers from Umenyiora, Jacobs & Dumb-Dumb have been surprisingly public during on-going plea negotiations. Osi Dumbenyiora, the head honcho at said firm, is so confident that a favorable outcome for Mr. Burress will be reached that rather then simply being smart and issuing the standard â€œNo comment.â€ he boldly opined:
â€œIâ€™m going to get him off myselfâ€¦ I have friends in high places. I’ve talked to people who are in law enforcement and they say to me for a first-time offender you get five years probation, that’s the maximum.â€
Osi, this is a serious matter. Your casual take would be okay for some kid getting caught with Sweet Tarts in class but it ainâ€™t appropriate for this. And Brandon, weâ€™re thisclose to changing your name to Dumbdon for your diatribe re the legal system:
“There are a lot more people on the streets that authorities should try and get. Certainly not someone like him that isn’t a criminal, who just for one night got paranoid for some reason, whatever that reason was, and made a mistake. With the people they’ve got running around on the street, I don’t think that someone like him should be convicted for what he’s done. He didn’t hurt anyone but himself. We’ve got murderers and killers and rapists and everything else that’s running around the streets now. But you know, it is a messed up world and a messed up country and you never know what they’ll do.”
Oh boy. Jimmy Stewart is cackling somewhere, we know it. Uh, Brandon? Plax broke the law, Silly Bean. What if the bullet missed him and hit somebody else? What then?
Here’s a little MTM wisdom for both you and Osi: Shut the tile up and stop the this March Dumbness!
That’s all for today, look for the estimable and formidable Grote2DMax tomorrow – Rex O’Rourke lost his computer.