500 HORMONE CLUB

MARK MCGWIRESVILLE, USA –

Somewhere in these parts, Mark McGwire is hiding.

He could be in some seedy attic or in a skeleton-filled closet. Perhaps he’s at the grocery store guised in a nose and glasses.

We’re not sure. Certainly, he’s not fist-pumping or elbow-blasting Sammy Sosa in some secret celebratory (Skull & Bones) welcoming ritual for the newest member of their exclusively disgraceful club. After all, only men with egos of the gods would be able to do that!

Even if we’re wrong about the above, we can be absolutely certain that he hasn’t been seen within 500 feet of Barry Bonds in 5 years!

Well, maybe not.

If only there weren’t questions. If only we could back to the time and place that the young versions of Mark, Sammy, Barry, Gary and the rest were considering using some new ‘enhancement’ to make them better at their jobs. If only, for the sake of us all, we could have swayed them away from the slippery slope they chose.

If only this Gary Sheffield hit his 500th Home Run last night.

Instead, we’re left with a foul taste in our mouths. Thanks, guys.

Rex O’Rourke tomorrow.

P.s… What is with the player video clips they show us when guys come up to bat? It’s as though Steve Colbert has tutored them in the art of looking into different cameras. Do we need to have uniformed AJ Burnett or David Wright standing in some studio and then coyishly looking up to camera as though we just walked in on something? Jiminy Crickets! Doesn’t anybody have a conscience these days!?!?

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