CITY OF HEAVENLY TRANQUILITY, CHINA – It has been a tumultuous Spring Training for us citizens of Mattville. We’ve had to deal with one calamity after the next, leaving our nerves twitching and our breath short. Yet being the sick and twisted gluttons for punishment that we are, we seem to revel in it all. Exhibit A: Angry Ward. A-Dubya is the proof in the pudding, Ladies and Germs, that we thrive on our perceived catastrophes. Would we have our beloved AW if this was not the case? Of course not! Indeed, we are all guilty of relying on our inner Chicken Littles; the part of our very human condition that loves a good panic and yearns for the sky to… well… fall. Call it Chicken Feed, if you will or call it what you must – but know that you thrive on it, because you do. The following calamities are but a smattering of the recent headlines that have had us all asunder and fueled our feeding frenzies:
- PHANATIC CLAIMS SANTANA FINISHED
- A-ROD DYING OF BO JACKSON DISEASE
- MATTS/DUANER SANCHEZ CHAT NOW MOOT
- JETS PUBLICLY IMPLODE… AGAIN
- REX O’ROURKE FORCED TO LIBRARY
Funny how Father Time can make us look phoolish, don’t you think? We had palpitations over all of the above, and unnecessarily so!
Johan Santana will take the ball on Opening Day for the NY Mets – and pitch. Put that in your Pipe, Dr. Phanatic!
A-ROD is not dying, so Cookie, West Coast Craig, Mr. O’Rourke, Mrs. Matt & Yankee Joe can exhale. The Rodmeister is merely sucking the life from the Nouveau Riche Bombardiers.
Duaner Sanchez is still in the majors! That means we can still post our interview! Of course, one needs to embrace the San Diego Padres as a Major League team, for this to hold water. No offence, jgclancy.
The Jets? Unfortunately, they are our Billy Carter, our Roger Clinton and our Ozzie Canseco all wrapped into one – we just accept them for who they are. Apologies to vinny from brooklyn.
Rex O’Rourke could do worse. Being in the library will likely be the most enlightening thing in his life since he walked in the shoes of Claude Roy and Lincoln Crestwood. Perhaps the experience will benefit us all, what with the volumes of knowledge Sexy Rexy must have picked up – or checked out with his Library Card.
Is there a lesson to be learned here, gang? Is there some wisdom we can gain from our silly and impulsive behavior? Is there something or someone we can look to for peace, tranquility and calm when we’re inclined to race around like a beheaded Chicken Little when our backup catcher gets in a fender bender??? The answer to all of the above is a resounding – DRUM ROLL, PLEASE – YES! It’s important to look for the little, less obvious signs – like with the economy – and we found one in Justin Tuck. This All-World defensive end for the NY Football Giants was shopping at The Home Depot on Tonnelle Avenue in North Bergen, NJ last week. By himself! And he was polite and normal! See – there is hope!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
That’s all for today, please chime in below, tell some friends about MTM and look for Cookie, Sam’s-A-Fan, Grote2DMax or Mrs. Matt tomorrow.