DODGER CITY FIELD, FLUSHING – With the summer flying by and leaving us with but half of a baseball season, we feel the need to be succinct and get to the point; to not dilly dally, dawdle, vacillate or waste time pulling punches. It’s important to skip the rhetoric and get on with it, forgo the hyperbole and state our case. We need to make haste and keep things simple, to hunker down and say what’s really important. And that’s why, in the interest of not wasting your precious day, we cut to the chase, without any pomp or circumstance and give it – it being our 10 Reasons Why The Dodgers Suck An Egg– to you straight, sans distractions, interruptions or text messages. So, without any further ado, are 10 REASONS WHY THE DODGERS SUCK AN EGG:
- #10 They are the best team in baseball.
- #9 They have a tremendous farm system.
- #8 They don’t get rained out at home – EVER.
- #7 They play fundamentally sound baseball.
- #6 Their stadium’s architect, the same architect that designed Shea Stadium (moment of silence, please), got it right with theirs; it was made solely for baseball and stands up to any and all throughout the majors, especially Dodger City Field.
- #5 They left New York and scarred Fred Wilpon for life, thus making his life’s mission – to recapture his lost Dodger Love in a Gatsby-like way – a mission that would leave NY’s present-day National League fans scarred for their lives as well, mere victims of Fred’s quest to fulfill his unrequited love.
- #4 Joe Torre couldn’t manage a smile, let a lone a team when he helmed the Mets as player/coach. He left and won 4 World Series rings with the Yankees and now has the not-long-ago-sputtering Bums purring like the Steve Garvey, Davey Lopes, Ron Cey, Tommy John version.
- #3 Their Class Clown/Greatest Modern Day Hitter, Manny Ramirez, is truly impervious to any steroid heckling and simply continues to hit. He even hit a frogging homer off our closer in the stadium in which nobody homers, throwing salt in the wound.
- #2 Their Class Clown/Greatest Modern Day Hitter, Manny Ramirez, is not our Class Clown/Greatest Modern Day Hitter, Manny Ramirez. Instead, we have Gary Sheffield – a Dodger cast-off.
- #1 Their other home park, aside from Wilpon’s Dodger City Field, is named after – get this – them! Dodger Stadium! And it has THEIR colors all throughout. Can you imagine?!
That’s WHY THE DODGERS SUCK AN EGG.
Cookie’s Corner tomorrow.