CHUCK ROGERS IN THE 21ST CENTURY: SPACE CADET AIDED BY A MATT

winless, even

DETROIT, MI – Now it all makes sense for Detroit Lions fans. The worst football team since Columbia’s Lions – winless, even -just had a former star player help us understand just how a team could go Up In Smoke so consistently and for so long:

    “I blew everyday. But you know I was doing something wrong … I was wrong.” – Former Lion Wide Receiver Charles Rogers

Rogers assured his ESPN interviewer that he wasn’t just blowing smoke, that he did indeed smoke marijuana every day in the NFL.

After watching the above clip, it is apparent that Chuck Rogers, who was the 2nd overall pick in 2003 by Detroit and also said that he was abusing prescription drugs in the NFL, was stoned during Diction 101 class; “I blew [aye] day.” What the Mumbles From Dick Tracy does that mean?! That’s a COLLEGE GRADUATE speaking, Ladies & Germs. UGH!!! Fire his professors immediately and let us take charge of teaching Rudimentary Speaking to kids from Michigan. Obviously, the adults in his life failed to do so…

Speaking of failures, a Matt Gone Bad, former Lions president Matt Millen, now with ESPN, had this to say about Rogers being STONED EVERY DAY and consequently sucking as a result:

    “He was average. Something clearly was wrong. He looked like a different guy.”

Really? What gave it away, Matt? Was it the fact that he went from running a 4.2 forty to a 4.8 forty in just three years – in his MID TWENTIES!? What, he didn’t change his name to Cheech or Chong so you thought he was just in a slump?! Good golly!

Or could it have been that he FAILED A DRUG TEST EVERY YEAR AT MICHIGAN STATE before you drafted him with the #2 pick overall? That tied him with Tony Mandarich as the 2nd highest drafted Wolverine player ever. That association in itself should have steered you away – maybe to one of the TEN PRO BOWLERS picked AFTER your guy.

But back to the pot taking (pot is drug, one takes drugs), Mr. Millen… Was Chuck’s fall not as obvious as Paula Abdul’s Michael Jackson-like downward spiral??? Jeepers man – there were signs all over the walls! The simple fact that he was constantly munching on bowls of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch should have sent up some flares!

Good-time Charlie did receive a 30-day jail sentence earlier this year for failing a court-ordered drug test. Now says he wants to come back – he’s still just 28. Hey, Charlie, are you high? Millen isn’t picking players anymore!

All kidding aside, though, this was clearly a case of a Matt Gone Bad. Matt Millen may have failed Chuck Rogers In The 21st Century, but we failed Matt. We take the hit, folks. When a Matt gets cut, we bleed…

COOKIE’S CORNER, tomorrow…

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