LOS ANGELES, CA – Before we were hacked last week, West Coast Craig did his review of the flop that was Carmageddon. In the week since, virtual Armageddon happened on this very site. So much so, that I fear many of our faithful readers won’t even know that this column is running today. For those persistent few who will find the site up and working I offer you a sports themed column of Armageddon proportion… Grote’s Sports Armageddons.
Karma-geddon – Not to be confused with the aforementioned & over-hyped Carmageddon, Karmageddon is what we had in the NBA finals this year when karma dealt two egomaniacs (Wade and LeBron) a well deserved defeat. Hopefully, history will find James blowing out his knee, losing all his money to Charles Barkley in a poker game and working for minimum wage drying roofs of Escalades at Charles Oakely’s Car Wash. That would be karma.
Farm-ageddon – This is what happens to one’s farm system when Omar Minaya is the General Manager. No matter how strong your minor league system is, even one foolish decision by Omar can purge the majority of talent from the bushes. We are not only talking about the shape of the Mets system upon his departure, but history shows he was able to deplete one of the deepest farm systems in all of baseball in one fell swoop. As Expos GM he traded minor leaguers Cliff Lee, Grady Sizemore, Brandon Phillips and Lee Stevens for a half season rental on Bartolo Colon. It has taken the franchise (now the Nationals) nearly a decade to recover.
Alomar-mageddon – When you have an interview in the can with a potential Hall of Famer on the eve of his first ballot vote but decide to hold the video back until after the vote is announced because you felt the need to meticulously edit the piece first, that is Alomar-mageddon.
OverNightStar-mageddon – This is the story of overnight sensation Ted Williams. I’m not talking about the Splendid Splinter’s 31 homerun, 145 rbi effort as a rookie in 1939. Instead I’m talking about the Golden Voiced Ted Williams, who has lived a full celebrity life cycle in warp speed this year. You may remember this past January he was discovered panhandling on a Columbus street corner offering his radio voice as thanks for change. Since his discovery, he has lived out all the requirements for an E True Hollywood Story. He scored his own reality TV show – Second Chances at Life – held big gigs as a Cleveland Cavs voice and voice-over guy with MSNBC & Kraft. On cue, he entered rehab 12 days after being discovered, been arrested after an abuse claim from his daughter, got fired from the Cavs, had a comeback – 2nd season of the reality show – and finally had a relapse. He checked back into a rehab for emotional reasons. Maybe it is best if Short Matt stays undiscovered after all.
Bar-mageddon – This is the term for what happens to any alcohol related business that finds itself with PacMan Jones as a patron. Usually, it’s accompanied by the strange phenomenon of raining indoors. It will either rain money, rain bullets or both. Proceed with caution if you suspect Bar-mageddon may be on the horizon of your local establishment.
Stay tuned tomorrow for Angry War(d)mageddon.
