Uniform please!

JONAS BRONCK’S LAND, NY – So, here I am again, called up to pinch-hit. I’m like Nick Evans of the Mets: getting to The Show, then sent down, called up, designated for assignment only to be reclaimed off waivers and Towne Car-ed right back to CitiField. Lucky for me, today’s assignment came easy – because of all that’s out there in the news – like the opposing pitcher was A.J. Burnett.

I live in the Bronx, so named after Jonas Bronck,  which is God’s cruel personal joke on me since I am a Met fan. Over the last week or so, I have the word burned all around me. At first, I thought people were talking about the London Riots, but apparently the were saying, “Burnett!” Mainly it was in regard to his contract, then in regard to him not being that intelligent and also his love of moms or hisMom. A.J. just wants to have fun again. Hey, Hot Stuff, I hear winning is fun… may wanna try that.

Why Can't I just have fun?!

By the way, Different Matt (tomorrow’s writer) and Cookie or Cookie’s Corner: it appears that Burnett is turning Ivan Nova into a supernova – having burned fast and going dark. They may need to stop hanging out together.

If he's steaming now, wait till he sees the bill.

Segueing supernovas, how about the Patriots signing Al “Handesy” Haynesworth. I mean, it shined bright for about a minute because Belichick is a genius and people fall in line quickly or are shipped out. But wow! Training camp isn’t over yet and he’s already in trouble. Albert it is a bra not a credit swipe machine. It may have been black but surely you know the difference. It is as different as the 3-4 is from the 4-3… Umm, you know what? Never mind.

Burning through this week’s news and two more gems came my way: Apparently there is an equestrian competition with now horses going on in Washington state. See the two lovely young ladies are in horse-riding attire jumping the bar. Hmmm. Running in horse sh!t in chaps and a helmet. It would be great to see horses running next to them, just to raise their discomfort level. Then they’d feel real pressure – like the burning anxiety  Yankee Joe gets when he realizes it’s A.J.’s turn in the rotation.

The other newsworthy nugget has to do with rug burns. I would use another “fire” term here but just thinking about the rug burn related to this ski-jumping contest to the right where they land on turf, is too much. If you should you fail to stick the landing you are going to hate yourself. It is gonna sting!! Strawberries, get your fresh strawberries here.

That’s it. My pinch AB could’ve been a triple – it was a sizzling line drive –  but after the above I think my skin is too sensitive to slide. So, I’ll take a… two-bagger.

Different Matt, who’s en fuego, up manana.

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About Junoir Blaber 541 Articles
Junoir Blaber is from Ghana but was transplanted to the Bronx as a young lion chaser. Blaber is the Rain Man of Meet The Matts and is a featured contributor on MTM global partner, Rugby Wrap Up. The name "Junoir" is not a cool African name. Instead, Blaber mis-typed "Junoir" on his Facebook page. But proving that two wrongs indeed do make a right, he embraced his new persona - [June-noire]... Manute Bol is his uncle and his teams are the Mets, Jets, Knicks & NY Rangers... And Manchester United. He knows soccer. [Vomit]. P.s... He has webbed toes and came be followed on Twitter here: @JunoirBlaber