Hey, Ma! What’s For Dinner? Cheesy Bruin’s Super Bowl Menu

FOXBORO, MA – The NFL Championship game (damn trademarks) is a week away leaving party hosts plenty of time to conjure up a menu for company. A variety of fare is advisable just in case the game becomes such a runaway that commercials and box pools are the only things keeping viewer’s interest. Screw the Food Network! For a truly unique gastronomic spread to make your efforts the focal point of this unofficial American holiday, look no further than the Giants and Patriots rosters for the following ideas.

Finger Food

Chips ‘N Salsa…Whether you’re a fan of Victor Cruz and his Latin dance steps, Aaron Hernandez or the Latin-no Ocho Cinco, just make the duo spicy and salty to increase beverage consumption insuring a good time.
Potted Meat du jour…The seldom used NE receiver, Tiquan Underwood, inspires this versatile appetizer. The Underwood company’s Deviled Ham, Liverwurst, Chicken, or Roast Beef spreads go great with crackers—and as Bill Belichick trots out Welker, Edelman, and Woodhead, no shortage of “crackers” is anticipated.
Stuffed Grape Leaves…I’m not sure what’s stuffed in the leaves but when there’s a Greek involved in doing the stuffing like Linebacker Niko Koutouvides, you’d better be nervous. Teammates Zoltan Masko (Romania) and Rob Ninkovich(Serbia) share origins near Mediterranean waters and behave strangely long after the females have left.

Cheesy Bruin

Main Courses
Meatloaf…Comfort food at its best with one twist. When you got a gamer named Bear Pascoe, get some of this gamey meat grounded and substitute with your favorite regular recipe. If the Pats defense couldn’t stop Joe Skinny they ain’t gonna trap a bear.
African Beef Stew…Who knew that Nigeria would be the breeding ground for the NFL? There are four players (Umenyiora, Kiwanuka, Ighedibo, and Ugoh) in this game whose parents are from the same African nation that gave us Christian Okoye. Add Ugandan royalty, Prince Amukamara, and you have a hodgepodge of spear-chucking defensive players on both sidelines. If it isn’t moving throw it in the pot and let it cook.
IndianapolisH Sausage…To utter the famous phrase coined by wrestling great, Ivan Putski, “Polish Power”!!! Display an assortment of ‘Wurst as to not scare the women at your party even though there’s enough kielbasa hanging around these two locker rooms to make Lori Levine blush. Gostkowski, Gronkowski, and Hynoski are all putting the “H” at the end of the host city for media week. Lech Walesa would be proud of their labors. No Polish jokes, please. Let this man handle that:

Chowder…Spelled with an ‘r’ at the end but if you hail from NY or Boston, you’ll never hear it enunciated. Manhattan and New England, cream and tomato based, you can’t go wrong either way on a cold February evening. Soup’s on!

After Dinner Lament
A friend once quipped at a super Sunday gathering that domestic abuse reaches its height on game day. Should things go terribly awry, call Jason Pierre-Paul for a Haitian divorce and queue the Steely Dan.

West Coast Craig, tomorrow.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.