Them Dead Presidents…

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White House Bowling Lanes – I’ve been phoning in these President’s Day posts for years now, and just when I may feel the idea has run run its course, now I see there’s a movie about Abe Lincoln hunting vampires coming soon.  Surely a film about Richard Nixon wrestling the Fabulous Moolah as the “Persian Pansy” can’t be far behind can it?  Freshly inspired, I give to you the 2012 version of Happy President’s Day!

James Garfield once watched a baseball team made up of railroad workers and remarked “Coolie and the Gang!”  ESPN had to run a retraction to it.

If Lincoln can hunt vampires, why can’t there be a television show called John Quincy Adams, M.E.? The sixth president, along with his faithful lab assistant Sam (played by Different Matt), solved cases with leeches and burning sage, and in the end usually had a suspicious witch arrested.

Before he was speeding the country towards Civil War, Franklin Pierce attended Bowdoin where he stood out as a Varsity hunting club member, specializing in hunting humans for sport.

This was one of my favorites: George Washington tried to invent a game called “Throw the Silver Dollar Across the Potomac” but even though he got one across, he and his friends lost hundreds more and vowed never to play again.

Warren G. Harding was one of our country’s least effective presidents before dying of a heart attack in office, but back in Ohio he was known for running a tight underground baby racing ring.

It was reported here earlier that William Howard Taft not only threw out the first first pitch, but he was also the first sitting president to win a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. However, history books have been stripped of all records of the following year where he confused his guest appearance at the Westminster Kennel Club Show with the Nathan’s Contest and ate the shih tzu, chihauhau, and a Lhasa Apso before his handlers could pull him safely away.

Franklin Roosevelt may have been crippled with Polio, but he was a killer water polo player.

Ronald Reagan didn’t just play The Gipper in the movies, he was a champion bi-athlete, cross country skiing and target shooting… until he decided the game would be better if the targets were hit by lasers shot from satellites in space.

Andrew Jackson’s childhood passion was for the indigenous game lacrosse, but he was so bad at it that it made him really mad at Native Americans for the rest of his life.

Jimmy Carter tried to make peace in the Middle East, but couldn’t keep inflation from skyrocketing at home…yet few people credit him with actually saving the country from the next Great Depression through his proliferation of Roller Disco Rinks. Now they were a habitat for humanity.

That’ll do it for today, get out there and enjoy it if you got the day off! Grote2DMax will be extra presidential tomorrow.

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About West Coast Craig 226 Articles
West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.