SIS-BOOM-BA, CT – With March Madness underway, my lack of basketball knowledge and several weeks of receiving lame SMSs (Short Matt Suggestions), I finally to put one to work… sort of. He suggested covering March Madness cheerleaders; I took that theme and turned it into cheering for those keep us MARCHing on.
Linsay Lohan: She’s baaaaaack!!! Little Miss LiLo is back in the news as the LAPD wants to question her in an incident where she allegedly hit a hookah lounge manager with her Porsche. Can this girl stay out of trouble? Can this girl find enough brains to HIRE A PRIVATE DRIVER so she doesn’t have to hit anyone or stay SOBER?!? How much fillers can she have jammed into her lips before they’re the size of Herbie, the Love Bug? I dunno, but it seems like this girl is at the top of the pyramid, big (ahem) POM POMS, ankle bracelet and ALL. GO LINDSAY, GO! GO! GO! GO!
Gallagher’s Big Ticker: Surprised this got by Angry Ward yesterday; I guess if you’re on the beach sunning and drinking, you don’t care about the little people who smash watermelons with BIG mallets for a living. Anyway, the comedian Gallagher (who uses my favorite spousal attitude adjustment tool, the Sledge-O-Matic) had a “mild-serious” heart attack yesterday. Gallagher, we’re all pulling for you.
No-More-Yankee-My-Wankee: Not to be confused with Long Duck Dong of Sixteen Candles fame (“She marry oily Bo-Hunk!”), current Nat’s pitcher Chein Mien Wang is now injured and out with a strained hamstring. This makes me cheer “Go Nats!” because the Yankees are now 2-for-2 in releasing pitchers who then immediately get injured. First, Yanks dodged a ball to the face with Bunt-In-The-Face-Burnett (again, best $20 Million Yanks ever spent was on releasing him). Now, Yanks are lucky that someone else has got a strained Wang. For this girl, the Yanks dodging dead weight via injuries before the season even starts… is a GOOD thing. Sorry to the Mets and E5’s not so tasty McRib tear.
Frick-A-Frack-A-Firecracker: If you can’t fill in the blank here… you’re probably not going to have me cheering for you as much as if you did. Regardless, you can have your NY Knicks Dancers, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, Laker Girls and the like. I’ll take this guy in my corner:
And with that… enjoy your weekend. Come on back tomorrow for a guy who loves to shake his pom-poms, The Public Professor.