Grote’s Gripes: 2012 Mets Promotions

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FLUSHING, NY – The Mets are set to begin the season in two days with Johan Santana on the hill against the Braves.  The Mets should have no problem filling the stands for that game.  Unfortunately, the Mets cannot rely on the product on the field to sell many seats this year so it is important that they come up with some spectacular give-away days for their 50th Anniversary season.

Here is an actual list of the Mets’ promos for 2012:

April 5: Magnetic Schedule This team certainly lacks magnetic personalities, so they are trying to make up for it with magnetic schedules instead.

April 7: Texting Gloves Have you ever sat at a Mets game on a cold April night and wanted to text how much the team sucks but couldn’t because you were wearing gloves?  Well your problems have been solved by the great folks at Verizon.

April 21: Shopping Bag Night By the middle of April, Jeff Wilpon plans to fill CitiField’s empty seats with homeless people.  In order to make the bag people fit in, the Mets decided to give everyone in attendance shopping bags.

April 22: Tom Seaver Bobblehead The Franchise gets a well-deserved bobblehead.  No complaints here.

April 25: Mr. Met Window Cling Mr. Met has been threatening to jump if things don’t turn around, so instead of improving the team, the Mets just turned his hands into suction cups and stuck him up on the picture windows of The Acela Club.

May 4: Collector’s Cup Remember, just because someone calls it a collector’s item doesn’t mean it is worth anything. Case in point.

Appropriate Message From Premio To Mets

May 6: Drawstring Bag Much like they do with shoelaces in prison, the actual strings are to be removed by Met personnel so that fans will not be tempted to hang themselves during the game.  The laces will be returned upon exit of the stadium along with your other valuables.

May 26: Rusty Staub Bobblehead Rusty’s bobblehead comes covered in BBQ sauce.

May 27: Banner Day For the first time since 1996 the Mets will be hosting Banner Day.  I put it out there to all readers to come up with the best banner for The Matts to walk with on Banner Day.  A full column in the coming weeks will hash this out further.  It will be a bona fide contest I tells ya.

June 2: Visor Nathan’s will be giving out visors and holding a visor eating contest during the seventh inning stretch.

June 3: John Franco Hall of Fame Induction + Cap If someone like John Franco is to be inducted into the Mets Hall Of Fame, then The Matts can’t be far behind.

June 15: REO Speedwagon Concert I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another these guys still rock.

June 17: Keith Hernandez Bobblehead Elaine Benes: “Who does this bobblehead think he is?”  Bobblehead:  “I’m Keith Hernandez.

July 7: Mini-bat Day If they start giving away his bats, what is Jason Bay going to pretend to hit with?

July 8: Mr. Met Poster Finally, the full frontal nudity poster of Mr. Met you ladies have been waiting for.

July 20: Cheap Trick Concert Luckily for the Mets, Cheap Trick owed the Wilpons a favor after skipping out on playing little Jeffrey’s Bar Mitzvah back in 1983.

July 21: Edgardo Alfonzo Bobblehead With Fonzie as an honoree, the Mets really jumped the shark on the whole bobblehead thing.

July 23: Mets Collectible Truck Most likely an actual junk yard truck from the scrap yards across the street in Flushing.

August 11: Travel Case Delta Airlines is giving these away, lets hope they don’t have David Wright’s photo on them.

August 24: Merengue Night Nothing tells me to stay away from Citi Field more than these two words.

August 25: Mike Piazza Bobblehead Again much deserved for one of the best position players in franchise history.

Tune in tomorrow for the first man to get his own bobblehead: Angry Ward.


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