Schadenfreude!

I'm Fast!

The Betting Counter-  First thing first. Last week I hipped all of you to I’ll Have Another, courtesy of my main source on the ponies, none other than The Knish.

All a y’all mofos owe me big time. Horse paid off over 30 bucks on a $2 bet, becoming the first ever to grab the roses after bursting from the 19th post.

Oh hell yeah.

You know we’re gonna talk about The Preakness next week. But this week I just wanna engage in some sports schadenfreude. That’s fancy-talk for kickin’ a man when he’s down.

Let’s start with the man who’s supposed to be the ace up in Boston, Mr. Josh Beckett. After getting lit up by the Cleveland Indians, he’s 2-4 with an E.R.A. near six.  This is hot on the heels of last year, when he was best known for hard fought wins against buckets of fried chicken and six packs of light beer. Anyway, Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports absolutely went to town on Beckett this week, calling him out for being a #@$!.

Am I allowed to say that here? I’m using it like the British do, totally gender-neutral.

I'm Fat!

Regardless, Passan’s piece is a thing of righteous beauty.  He really lays into the guy. And not just for being an overpaid underachiever. Beckett’s so spoiled that he just doesn’t get it. Like when he scratches himself from a start for having sore ribs, and then goes out and plays 18 holes the next day. As in, the very next day. And when reporters and fans call him on it, he gets all indignant: I’ll do whatever I want on my off day, bla bla bla.

A friend of mine, who’s been a sports writer for over twenty years, says that Major League Baseball players are by far and away the biggest dicks in the world of American jockery.  Hands down. He blames the guaranteed contracts awarded to every player, which aren’t de rigeur in other sports.  That’s fancy-talk for S.O.P. Don’t think for a second that Beckett’s brand of immaturity and selfishness isn’t rampant in the MLB. Have we learned nothing from Eastbound and Down? Anyway, it’s just fun to see it exposed in Boston. Couldn’t happen to a nicer team.

I'm Fab!

Unlike the Boston Red Sox, I don’t really hate the New York Jets.  Their fortunes and misfortunes are largely irrelevant to me. But I must admit, there’s something really fun about watching their current incarnation go down in flames. Maybe it’s because you could see this coming the minute they hired Rex Ryan, who immediately unleashed his retarded brand of mayhem on the franchise. Not only does he demand attention, good, bad or otherwise, which leads him to do and say and do all sorts of ridiculous and even pathetic things, but he also seems to relish acquiring players who  have troubled pasts and/or personalities that are bigger than the locker room. LT, Holmes, Cromartie, Burress, etc. It’s a fun group. You know, the way watching a Jack Ass movie is fun.  And of course they signed Tim Tebow.  Of course.  How could they not?

The dysfunctional fun emenating from Gang Green was featured in on HBO’s Hard Knocks last season. In fact, they were so ridiculous that HBO offered to bring them back for a second run this season. And the Jets have reportedly turned them down.

Wow.

I'm Fathering!

When an attention monger like Ryan turns down Hollywood, you know the wheels must really be coming off the wagon. Can’t wait to see how this plays out on the field. I suspect we’re nearing the end of a bizarre chapter in Jets history. I’ll miss it, even as I enjoy its car wreck ending.

Finally, check out this article by Dan Wetzel. It gives a nice, succinct history of NFL TV blackouts. What a bunch of assholes those owners can be. Am I right?

A bunch of better smelling anatomy tomorrow from Cheesy Bruin.

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About The Public Professor 79 Articles
Mattville's George Plimpton, The Public Professor, is indeed a real, honest-to-goodness, legitimate professor at a major Maryland university. But because he doesn't have a cell phone or cable, he's crazy enough to be with us. A member of Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse, the terrorized Bronx graffiti artist's by correcting their grammar. His loves? The Yankees, Knicks, NY Rangers and the Pittsburgh Steelers. He also has a real website: ThePublicProfessor.com (http://www.thepublicprofessor.com/).