Boredom, USA – This is by far the worst sports week of the year. Thankfully, tonight we resume normal baseball service after the extended break. Baseball is back; the Home Run Derby is done. The week started with the [Insert Sponsor Here] Home Run Derby on Monday night, which is just boring and takes far too long. We are stuck listening to Chris Berman’s stupid nicknames for players and him saying “… back, back, back…” ad nauseum. And after every swing we are treated with someone bringing the batter a bottle of Gatorade (label out, please) to replenish “G” and keep the players sweating orange.
At the end of the night, a portly vegetarian named Prince bested a guy who plays in America Junior for the [Insert Sponsor Here] Home Run Derby, brought to you in part by Gatorade, title for 2012. This is Cecil Junior’s second Derby triumph. There’s no doubt about the fact that the kid can straight-up mash. He can also shut down a Golden Corral or two. But I’ll lay off of Prince Fielder for now since he’s one of the good guys in baseball right now.
Nothing makes me happier than the fact that Fielder beat out Jose Bautista for the Home Run Derby crown. On a side note, has anyone ever seen Jose Bautista and Drake in the same place at the same time? But then again, there’s no way Bautista’s arm could have thrown a bottle hard enough to do that much damage to Chris Brown’s face. Bautista has always rubbed me the wrong way and his play in right field probably spotted the National League a fistful of runs during the All-Star Game. Speaking of which…
On Tuesday night we got to watch a meaningless game that has meaning artificially attached to it because of a knee-jerk reaction to a fluke stalemate ten years ago. It is really dumb for home field advantage in the World Series to be decided by teams made up mostly of players that won’t be playing in the World Series. This model of jackassery is just one example in a long line of Allen Selig (he’s not my bud) decisions over the years that have made a mockery of our national pastime.
On Wednesday we got to watch nothing. This is usually the most boring sports day of the year. Most people use the Wednesday after the All-Star game to catch up on DVR’d episodes of Cake Boss and Intervention. ESPN did us the favor of replaying the [Insert Sponsor Here] Home Run Derby, brought to you in part by Gatorade. Most people who visit this website were probably just looking at pictures and videos of Kate Upton all night after Angry Ward’s stellar piece on Wednesday.
Thursday is the day that usually welcomes the return of baseball. Unfortunately, Allen Selig (he’s still not my bud) decided that we all should go without baseball for one extra day. Thanks Allen. You’ve really f*cked my week with your stupid extra off day. Thankfully we’ve finally reached Friday and the resumption of baseball worth watching.
Come back tomorrow for The Public Professor, who is always worth the wait.
