NEW YORK, NY – We have hit the dog days of summer here at Meet The Matts, and many fans have to settle for Mascot Fever rather than Pennant Fever. The Mets were the originators of Mascot Fever with Mr. Met, while the Yankees are one of four teams to not have an official mascot (Angels, Dodgers and Cubsare the others).
That doesn’t mean the Yankees are above having a mascot, because they tried one out in the late 1970s and it failed miserably. Since they couldn’t buy Mr. Met or the San Diego Chicken, they decided to get out of the mascot business for good. Here are you current MLB mascots:
Ace (Toronto) – In most card games an ace can be the highest or lowest card in the deck. This mascot is obviously the low ace.
Baxter the Bobcat (Arizona) – His name is Baxter. ‘Nuff said.
Bernie Brewer (Milwaukee) – Who wouldn’t want to hang out with Bernie Brewer? In fact, when I have to come up with a quick excuse for the wife, I just say I’m going out for a beer with my buddy Bernie Brewer.
Billy The Marlin (Miami) – The most well-endowed face in sports (since Nomar Garciaparra retired).
Dinger (Colorado) – He’s a purple dinosaur who has to be quick on his feet because everyone wants to hit a dinger in Coors Field.
Fredbird (St. Louis) – What mascot is it that you wanna to hear? Fredddddddbiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrdddd.
Homer (Atlanta) – D’oh.
Junction Jack (Houston) – Sounds like a drink they serve at some Texas redneck bar.
Lou Seal (San Francisco) – Of course, only in San Francisco can B.B. King’s guitar be confused with a guy.
Mariner Moose (Seattle) – They are not booing in Seattle, they are just calling for the mascot. Mooooooooosssssseeeeee.
Mr. Met (New York Mets) – The original mascot and still the best. One of three mascots in the Mascot Hall of Fame. Yes, there is one.
Gapper (Cincinnati) – Replaced Mr. Met ripoff – Mr. Red – a few years back.
The Oriole Bird (Baltimore) – More menacing than the Orioles lineup for the better part of the last decade.
Paws (Detroit) – About as intimidating as a cast member of Cats.
Phillie Phanatic (Philadelphia) – The Phanatic is the complete opposite of the Philly fans he entertains in that he is a friendly, kind, fun-loving, caring creature who you would love to have your children sit next to during a game. HOF member.
Pirate Parrot (Pittsburgh) – A good fit for the slobs of Pittsburgh since he is grossly overweight and often needs a scooter to get around.
Rangers Captain (Texas) – Like Mr. Ed, the Rangers mascot is a talking horse.
Raymond (Tampa Bay) – One of the more popular mascots because, well, Everybody Loves Raymond.
Screech (Washington) – If you were wondering what became of Screech after Saved By The Bell ended here, is your answer.
Slider (Cleveland) – The third Hall Of Fame MLB Mascots. Slider is meant not to offend anyone, unlike Chief Wahoo who is highly offensive to casino owners.
Sluggerrr (Kansas City) – He’s a crown-wearing lion. The king of the jungle usually resides in the AL Central basement.
Southpaw (Chicago White Sox) – Hailing from the south-side of Chicago, this mascot is meaner than a Junk Yard Dog.
Stomper (Oakland) – The swinging A’s have long had an elephant represent them, dating back to 1905. Stomper reportedly spends the off-season drinking White Russians and eating peanuts with our very own JG Clancy.
Swinging Friar Fred (San Diego) – Easily the most laid back mascot, Friar Fred wears a cloak with a rope belt and sandals. Let’s face it, he’s a hippy.
T. C. Bear (Minnesota) – Much more popular that the P.C. Bear who used to patrol the Metrodome scolding everyone who was not acting in a politically correct fashion.
Wally the Green Monster (Boston) – Named after the Green Monster, Wally was supposedly a hermit who lived inside it’s walls for 50 years before coming out in 1997. That is about how long it is taking John Travolta to come out of the closet.
Stay tuned tomorrow for Mr. Sunshine (State) himself, Angry Ward, who is rife with Mascot Fever and writing 0ne final time from FLA.
