NFL Losers! Report From NFL’s Wasteland… L.A.

If you’ve ever been out here, you know this is a very strange sight.

405 FREEWAY, L.A. – Last year the most congested stretch of freeway in the country, was closed down for a weekend. It sparked panic not seen since Birdemic.  Yet a funny thing happened as the “Carmageddon” fears of the city-wide gridlock lock-down took hold…  Nothing.  People actually heeded the warnings and it ended up as one of the most pleasant weekends of the year.  I had written a stellar and enthralling post about it but then Hezbollah hackers hacked this site suffered its own Arab Spring.

There wasn’t as much panic this year; between this and the L.A. Tri shutting down Olympic Ave between the beach and downtown, it’s a wonder people went anywhere at all. I wish I hadn’t – both the soccer teams I coach got destroyed by a total of 9-0. It was ugly, especially for my 10-year-olds. This bunch of mollycoddled Silver Lake and Los Feliz (think Swingers) kids who are suddenly playing against the bigger kids from the tougher rec centers… kids who can actually pass and shoot and aren’t afraid to knock somebody over to get the ball. So, I’m not feeling like much of a winner today, let’s put it that way.

But I’d rather light a candle than curse the darkness and can take solace in the fact that at least I’m not alone! The Public Professor mentioned the three remaining undefeated teams this morning, so let me talk about the losers:

Is that you, Bilal Powell? Let me put my glasses on…

The Jets: Enjoy being .500, for this may be the last time they sniff a winning record for awhile. The Sanchise may have matured enough to start dating legal aged girls without the use of roofies, but he hasn’t matured much as a quarterback in this his now fourth season. With Revis Island gone the way of the island on Lost, Shonn Green playing like Moe Green (after the massage table), and now Santonio Holmes’s possibly serious leg injury, the days of simply “managing” games are over, and that doesn’t bode well for either him, Tebow, or the Jet fanbase.

The Titans: There are a lot of 1-3 teams, enough that one or two of them may still make the playoffs, but not the Titans. Even if Chris Johnson finally looked like a professional running back Sunday – after a week of blaming everyone else but himself – but with the team down big early. I don’t think the Texans were exactly stuffing the box, so to speak. The Titans now have a point differential this season of -70, and Matt Hasselbeck is now their starting QB.

The Browns and the Saints: The only two unvictorious teams in the National Parity League. The Browns are just that bad, especially without Joe Hill on the field. The Saints, however, can still put up points with the best of them…if only there was some way to incentivise their defense?

The U.S. Ryder Cup team fans: Chanting USA! USA! hours before the final day of play is a sure way to jinx your team into one of the biggest collapses in Cup history. Thanks a lot, you yahoos.

I’ll leave baseball out of it for now, though the Chicago White Sox deserve some mention for falling apart right when it mattered most.

Never falling apart, no matter how much it matters, Grote2DMax will be here tomorrow… hopefully a winner of his crazy Mets future bet by then.

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About West Coast Craig 226 Articles
West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.