PHOENIX, AZ – With an indignant Different Matt over-served last night, we’re acting as the Dillon Gee of the MTM rotation, taking the ball in a lose-lose situation so that better staffers can get needed rest. We understand we’ll get clobbered – or Dilloned. That said (we hate that expression), there are some topics to discuss. Changing our names to Meet The Caitlyns, NHL Midnight Moves, First Place Mets and the Dark Knight (Matt Harvey) scaring the bejesus out of the Blue Hairs in the desert.
First things first, however. For those of you that don’t know, we’ve been at this for 10 years. Ten. And after very witty banter supplied by an exceptional staff, entertaining videos and overall enjoyable sports commentary (yeah, we’re tooting our horns here), we see the likes of Bruce Jenner getting yet another show, simply by dressing up like a girl and changing his name. After a slap fight worthy of Housewives of Atlanta, we had a revelation: Meet The Caitlyns… check that, Meet The Matildas. We wear dresses and wigs – the latter will appease the one SNY executive that said, “Can’t light bald guys on a set. Not interested.” Dresses. Wigs. Name changes. It’s gonna be great! Where do we pee, though?
A friend of friend is now the majority owner of the Florida Panthers. Vinnie Viola is a self-made Wall Street guy with a no-nonsense attitude and the Midas touch. But according to Maury Brown, a writer who covers sports business for Forbes, there is a NHL team ready to make a midnight move – in the next four weeks! At the top of this rumor list – which has been pooh-poohed by NHL Boss Gary Bettmnan – no such move is imminent. For us, that means our Quebec Nordiques hats will suddenly be in vogue by Independence Day, ironically.
The New York Mets are in first place. What’s most Amazin’ about this simple, implausible fact, is that the Washington Nationals are in the same division. If there is any question that Matt Williams is a ridiculously poor Manager – as Big Al Sternberg has repeatedly claimed – just compare the two rosters. It’s Bugs Bunny (Terry Collins) vs The Gashouse Gorillas. Need more proof? A team managed by Terrence Collins is ahead of his. #WillamsIsADunce
Finally, the Dark Knight took the Desert by Storm, terrorizing Phoenixians (new word?) – who as we all know, are Blue Hairs. Old Folks. Tan. They wear sweaters when it’s 72 degrees. They are the reason Chase Field pumps in applause. Canned applause – like from bad sitcoms. We realized this when we were there in the Mets playoff run after we went to Cincy to see Al Leiter win the one-game playoff to see if they’d get in the playoffs. Not one fan was clapping, yet the fake applause was pumped in… Well, last night the real applause came from the Mets dugout, after a potentially season-changing moment occurred; Jarrod Saltalamacchia homered. The Dark Knight got angry. “For me, it was more of an anger than anything. I just tried to keep them off the board.”
That’s it for today, please comment below, check us out on Facebook and Twitter and come back tomorrow for Claude Rains, Jr…
