“On the boats and on the planes, they’re coming to America.”
LOS ANGELES, CA – Who would have thunk that the USA is becoming THE place to hang up your spikes when Europe says you’re “washed up?!”
While most star professional athletes move into the private sector or hook up with a sports network to begin the next phase of their life, Euro Footballers are taking advantage of a new wave of cashing in on the USA’s dime. Major League Soccer, to be exact. There is certainly a new paradigm in the minds of hobbling and almost hobbled “Footballers,” who, inspired by one David Beckham, are coming to America.
Beckham raked in about 32.5 million over five years and made another 200 million plus in endorsements over that time. His treasure trough continues to fill up with Benjamin’s in his newest retirement, as USA fans cannot get enough of the tattooed spouse of Washed-Up Spice.
Regardless of whether your a fan of soccer, you have to admire the business acumen of these foreign players, who are entering the USA legally and assimilating into our capitalistic society earning money, and spending plenty. Donald Trump gives them a BIG THUMBS UP!
Who are the latest editions to the Green Card Lottery?
Roy Keane: The Irishman hauls in $4,500,000.00 lucky charms guaranteed to do his version of the jig on the pitch for the LA Galaxy. His newest teammate, Steven Gerrard, tackles about 6.33 million to serve balls into Keane and Mexican Giovani dos Santos (4.1 million). GOALLLLLLLL!
Not to be outdone, newly formed NEW YORK FC has lured a few kickers to tear up Yankee Stadium. Spain’s David Villa (vee-ya) “yanks” in 5.61 million per and the newest edition Frank Lampard (former Chelsea legend) nabs about 6 million.
See the pattern?
They have learned that you can retire in Europe and get paid (millions) to live here. That’s better than Obama’s free cell phones and Sanctuary Cities any day!
The MLS has actually gained strides with a 12% increase in attendance from last year, so MTM may have to add another site to accommodate all those US Hooligans. Hell, soon we will be seeing fires in the stands and drunken riots outside the pubs (as they had in Newark last weekend) emulating our European neighbors!
In the near future, Small Matt will be wearing not just the ball and chain, he just may be donning some octagon tattoos on his bald dome!
Chime in and come back tomorrow for A) the same column due to miscommunication or B) An exclusive interview with interpreter.