Ice Cube’s son, O’Shea Cube Jr., can boast being the star of a bona fide box office hit as Straight Outta Compton went cruisin’ down the street in their 6-4 to the top spot two weeks in a row, and he didn’t even have to take any physical hits. That must sound good to Snoop Dogg’s son Cordell Broadus, a bona fide blue chip recruit at UCLA who would’ve been competing for a starting wide receiver job, but instead walked off the team to focus on his film school studies. Smart kid, or glutton for a different kind of hard knocks, Hollywood style?
I want to take a break from football too, and it hasn’t even started in earnest yet. This is easily the worst pre-season in all of sports. Basketball? It goes on so long it just feels like one long perpetual season (or like living in Los Angeles). Soccer? Touching on Grinding Ax’s commentary last week, even the big European teams take their lucrative holiday/payday by coming across the Atlantic and beating up on a bunch of hapless MLS stepchildren over the summer. Hockey…does hockey have a pre-season, or do last season’s playoffs count? Baseball may have plenty of issues keeping it from reclaiming America’s Pastime, but spring training isn’t one of them. It’s perfect, appearing on the wintry horizon as a green oasis of hope.
Football’s return is like a big hairy uncle coming in for a moist hug. Nothing good happens in football’s pre-season. It’s annual parade of heat stroke, arrests, hilarious courtroom sketches, concussions, torn ACLs, suspensions, and psychopaths punching dickhead teammates in the face. It’s so bad that the biggest on-field story coming out of this pre-season is that there’s more Tim Tebow. Because…Tim Tebow!
There’s no news but bad news. Have your Fantasy draft yet? Hope you didn’t take Jordy Nelson. Did you buy into Antonio Brown being the top receiver on the board, and LeVeon Bell being the consensus number one overall (despite his two game suspension)? How about now that Maurkice Pouncey is done for the year? The only thing he does more than gaybash is spend time on the IR list, and as he goes so does the Steelers’ offensive line (full disclosure, I’m a Steeler fan–from the 70s, not Pittsburgh–and my once hopeful expectations just plummeted). If Aryan Foster believed in God, then maybe God would believe in his healthy groin. Looking forward to Kelvin Benjamin building on his rapport with Cam Newton after a nice rookie season? He blew out his ACL during one-on-one drills in practice (they still run the nutcracker?). Hope you weren’t expecting a big RGIII comeback either, thanks to Jon Gruden admiring his 12-year old Super Bowl ring while his once-star quarterback was being treated like a minor being babysat by Jared Fogle.
I’m not paying any more attention to it, wake me when the season starts…or better yet, when baseball is over.
And with that, I’ll leave on a baseball note: David Wright is returning today: Nice bonus for the pennant chase, or chemical boner-killer for the Mets? Discuss.