Crimes and Misdemeanors: NFL and Super Bowl Betting Guide

Cheesy Bruin is money.
Cheesy Bruin is money.

RIKERS ISLAND – There are Crimes and Misdemeanors associated with football, some of which highlight the NFL’s biggest game of them all and brings out the worst in unassuming women and some “men” who couldn’t discern a pineapple from a pigskin. For those not in the know, there’s a decent bit of gambling done on this game as it was recently reported that an estimated $4.2 Billion, with a “B”, is to be wagered on SB50. Gambling is a victim-less crime, right?  After all, this is why you visit Meet The Matts on football Sundays… for my stellar advice.

Crimes and Misdemeanors? Interesting bedfellows?

Gambling makes for a not-so-strange bedfellow, as drinking is either paired with a big $core or one that got away and leads to citations like public intoxication, urinating in public, and so on (check Short Matt’s rap sheet for others). Significantly less than the money riding on the game are the number of domestic abuse calls handled by the law during this unofficial holiday to which thanks go out to Johnny Manziel and Montee Ball for “taking care of business” days before kickoff to stem the spike in this crime and any outcry from the Gloria Steinum’s of the world.

The safest Sunday bet in the wake of Earth, Wind & Fire’s Maurice White’s death is that another music icon will join heaven’s stage by 11:59 p.m. While he seems like a lock, the decades long chemistry cocktail responsible for keeping Keith Richards alive will do so for another eighty years. I’m going with David Lee Roth to cash this death bet for me. You can bet on anything in Vegas so tell ’em I sent ya.

Management has given me $2500 bucks. Ha ha ha!  Here’s how I’m investing it:

Mike Carey 2Mike Carey is the former NFL referee employed by CBS and asked to opine on replay calls.  He’s almost always wrong and should be out of a job by game’s end.  There’s a prop bet on him being wrong–yes, that’s how painfully embarrassing he is.  The line is Yes (+135) and unless there aren’t replays to sift through or Frank Caliendo dresses up as Carey, this is a slam dunk wager.  Wager $300 to win $405 on YES!

Ted Ginn, Jr. probably dropped his kid in the delivery room.  He’s sure to drop at least one pass today (-120).  Put up $360 to win $300.

Left Shark was last year’s runaway Super Bowl hit for conversation at the water cooler at work on Tuesday (everybody called in sick Monday).  He makes a return this year at +1500 for a $100 bet.

I’m always a big fan of throwing some money on tertiary targets to score touchdowns in the playoffs.  This bet is for the following players to score during the game.  $100 bucks each on Norwood (+400) and Caldwell (+500) for Denver and Cotchery (+325) for Carolina.

I’ll take two players for OVERS on receiving yardage totals. Jonathan Stewart better than 7.5 yards (-125) and Bennie Fowler because I don’t know who he is OVER 10.5 yards (-115) to win $100 on each.

When you’re Alex Ovechkin you shoot the puck at a rapid rate and he will do so better than the number of touchdowns in the Super Bowl.  Putting up $240 to win $200 on this one.

And for the game itself any combination of exotics (parlay, if reverse, teaser) on the Broncos +5.5 and the OVER (44.5).  Panthers win but don’t cover.

Enjoy the game folks and come back tomorrow for short-straw-guy, West Coast Craig.

P.s… Try the MTM Super Bowl Sports Quiz in the sidebar of the Home Page.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.