BRONX, NY – Where’s our (semi) regular Monday contributor DJ Eberle today? It’s 5 friggin’ pm and no post. What, is he on vacation again? F**k vacation! You got a deadline to meet, Mr. Sports Journalist. I’ll say it again, these Millennials got no work ethic. Actually, that’s not fair, they have a work ethic, but it’s mostly what works for THEM. Anyway, here are some hot takes for you on DJ’s potential whereabouts.
Hawt Take #1: He’s trapped under Josh Allen. The Bills are gonna suck this year AND they may get several of their quarterbacks killed. I caught some of their lowlights from this weekend and, as I type this, I think Josh Allen just got sacked again.
Hawt Take #2: He’s following the Yankees like a Deadhead. Yankees fans are starting to believe that their team just might catch the Sawx, and DJ is no exception. I think they definitely will, as long as they can play the Orioles 30 more times before the end of the year.
Hawt Take #3: DJ is playing mixed doubles at the US Open. And by that, we mean he’s mixing double cheeseburgers with double scoop servings of Ben & Jerry’s. Just kidding, big fella. This is all my lame attempt to shame you into getting back to “work” here.
OK, I’m done. Come back tomorrow for Ben Whitney, I hope.