Angry Ward Wednesday: Spoiler Alerts for Knicks, Yanks, Giants, Jets and Others

BRONX, NY – Hello out there to all you rugby fans, angry loners, and volunteer creative work enthusiasts. Welcome to Wednesday, the Donald Trump of weekdays. Like many of you nervous nellies, I’ve been prepping for the inevitable spread of the Coronavirus. I’ve also been stocking up on Boar’s Head Ham, in the event of a Bolognavirus… you never know. Anyway, who knows what’s going to happen to any of us. I’m here to make bold statements that I may not need to back up later. Warning, this post contains spoilers aplenty.

*Spolier Alert: Knicks!* The other day the New York Knickerbockers basketball team officially announced their new team President, Leon Redbone or some such thing. The Knicks responded by going out and beating a very good Houston Rockets team. This is to inform you, once again, that the Knicks will not be any good for at least the next several years. So you don’t need to concern yourself with the draft, free agency, or anything else involving this team. As a side note, Spike Lee announcing that he would not be attending Knicks games “for the remainder of the season” is some of weakest-ass sauce ever. If this is supposed to be some sort of statement “tough guy” move, it is beyond lame. NO ONE wants to go to MSG to watch any more Knicks games this year, my man. If you said something about Dolan’s mother you would have my respect, but this temporary protest is behavior unbecoming a native New Yorker. Also, superfans like you and Fireman Ed suck.

*Spoiler Alert: Yankees!* Despite their continued two-bit Mets Injury Bug impersonation, the Yankees are going to win a sh!t-ton of games this year and easily make the playoffs. The reason for this is, besides the Rays (who are OK), the AL East sucks sh!t. The Yankees are going to rack up so many easy wins playing teams like the Orioles, Blue Jays, and newly-crappy Red Sox upwards of 17 times each. Not only that, but there are a lot of other dumpster teams in the AL they get to play too. But, alas, they will NOT win the World Series. An NL team is taking it again this year, and it’s probably the Dodgers.

*Spoiler Alert: JG Clancy!* My good friend, and frequent MTM commenter, JG Clancy celebrates a birthday tomorrow. I’d be remiss if I didn’t spill the beans on this a day early. JG, IOU a Bacon Cheeseburger and some beers. Let’s figure out a night. Maybe I can make management pay for it, seeing as how we didn’t have a holiday party this year. *Spoiler Alert* Management won’t pay.

*Spoiler Alert: Giants and Jets!* You Giants and Jets fans getting excited for the upcoming NFL draft? You are? May I ask why? Both of your teams are not going to be very good again next year. An 8-8 record for either should be considered an accomplishment. Trust the process… poor leadership, poor drafts, and lackluster game plans.

*Spoiler Alert: Astros!* I think Houston is going to have an awful go of it this year and wouldn’t be surprised if you see what amounts to a roster teardown starting this season and into next. Guessing a lot of players are going to want a fresh start somewhere else, and the team will be more than happy to accommodate most.

OK, that’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz who *Spoiler Alert* will not be reading or commenting on this post today.

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About Angry Ward 673 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.