FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – Where do I even begin? I’m in Ron DeSantis’ backyard and speaking of “backyards,” I spent a very entertaining day at Marlins Park or whatever they call Derek Jeter’s playground these days. It started with cnc63 securing a parking spot from “Pupi” – the Latin version of The Cooking Witch for twenty bucks on her front lawn. This sweet woman watches her patrons vehicles as she sits on her porch offering way better security than you’d find at any ballpark or arena.
The acclaimed Le Tub in Hollywood was packed and time didn’t permit for a pregame meal, so the corner Latin inspired food cart across from the front gate offered arepas, chicken or pork kabobs with sazon seasoning, foot long hot dogs and sausage. It was delicious – the food, not the cart.
Bobblehead dolls of some guy named Jorge Alfaro, who wasn’t in the starting lineup, were given out upon entry. Now, I understand the Mets have a slew of injuries to starters and their backups so the starting nine reminded me of a game of Guess Who? Better yet, how about: Who The Hell Are These Guys? Cameron Maybin, he of the triple zero batting average, was hitting third in the lineup. This is a guy who was found rummaging through one of those charitable clothing drops just a week ago and signed to man the outfield for the Mets. Some dude named Fargas was penciled in for the road team and all I could think of was Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch. There was also a Tovar and immediately thought of Cesar from collecting baseball cards in my youth.
The trip down memory lane continued as the Marlins were promoting the night dedicated to Cuban Heritage and had Cookie Rojas start the game by announcing the words “Play Ball!” He looked as old today as he did on those same Topps baseball cards in the 70’s as a member of the Royals. When you recognize Cookie Rojas’ name rather than who was on the field for the Marlins, this is a team in trouble. It may have something to do with Jeter’s penny-pinching ways. Word around the stadium is that the ushers are asked to retrieve foul balls and confiscate the normal souvenir from fans. The balls are washed and reconditioned for further use.
Each home team player had their walk-up song posted among batting statistics. One Marlin had a Latin dance number called 25/8. I couldn’t figure out if it was a fraction or a division problem. I went with the notion that 25/8 is one more hour and one more day than 24/7. And then there was Jesus Aguilar, whose song Mamasota is priceless. My curiosity gets the best of me at times and translating the word into English was no exception. I Googled it and found the following meaning: Mamasota is a hot girl with big breast, big hips, small waist. Or a girl that you consider out of the ordinary. This is my new favorite Spanish word. Thank you Senor Aguilar!
With the Latin influence found in Miami, aside from Cuban Heritage Night, you could only imagine the number of women who looked like they came with their own dancing pole. I never felt so overdressed for a baseball game in my life. My Wild Irish Rose, Kelly, helped put my eyeballs back in the sockets. I couldn’t help myself, nor could cnc63 ignore, the talent and the choice of wardrobes or lack thereof. Are hanging ass cheeks the new black this summer?
The stadium cam was an absolute treat and the camera person did not disappoint or discriminate. There were man boobs, push up bras, surgically enhanced body parts and even a lip lock between two women from which the camera did not pan away. The Marlins have cheerleaders called The Mermaids and they mug it up with the crowd on camera as well. A few of these gals need to learn new moves that don’t include a hair flip and a shimmy that looked more like a nervous twitch.
This was a very special evening. Thank God, the Marlins scored in the ninth and didn’t keep us there another three hours.
Please comment below and come back tomorrow for the last – and cruelest – cut for the The Mermaids, Junoir Blaber.