BULL FROG FLATS, WY – Welcome to Friday Armchair Quarterbacks. It’s draft time again. Over the next week, millions of rubes will invest more time in their Fantasy Football roster decisions than they do in their children, marriages, and jobs. The challenges are endless. Injuries, rookies, Aaron Rodgers ayahuasca revelations, and Deshaun Watson’s team mandated bedtime, are all factors in this year. If you haven’t been preparing for your respective drafts, then you are likely a step behind compared to the dolts/Fantasy Football Freaks without rings gunning for glory. In order to catch you up here is a round by round strategy that will win every 10 – 14 team league PPR or not.
Round 1
Conventional wisdom says you must pick a RB with your first pick. If Dalvin Cook is available, you should waste your first-round pick on Cook. He is more brittle than toffee and not quite as tasty. If he is not available, you take Kirk Cousins. Kirk will lead the league in passing TDs this year.
Round 2
This round is tricky. There are many top receivers, TEs, and mid level running backs available. If Tyreek Hill is available, you should absolutely waste your second pick on the freak. It can’t be understated that his QB isn’t even the best left-handed thrower in the league. That is Patrick Mahomes. If the freak isn’t available, you should absolutely draft Kirk Cousins. Once Dalvin gets hurt every goal line scenario for the Vikings will be a passing scenario. Kirk will lead the league in passing TDs in the red zone.
Round 3
This round is easy. Draft Zeke Elliott. He will undoubtedly be very entertaining to watch as he eats his Wheaties after every two-yard run. Losing should be made fun. Let him eat. If Zeke isn’t available draft Kirk Cousins. Once Dalvin Cook gets hurt Cousins will be airing out more grievances than your in laws at Christmas. His receiving core will make all the errant airmail land with grace. Kirk will lead the NFL in passing yards this year.
Round 4
Another easy round. Draft DK Metcalf. DK will be asking for a trade come week five after he gets used to being bracketed with less than 5 targets a game. He will likely land as a Chief and win the Super Bowl. If DK isn’t available draft Kirk Cousins. Kirk doesn’t force the ball into bracketed receivers. He will have the best TD/INT ratio in the league.
Round 5
Cake walk round. Draft Adam Thielen. What needs to be said beyond the best QB in the league is tossing the ball to this value round pick? If he isn’t available, draft Kirk Cousins. Might as well get half of this equation.
Round 6
If your league incorporates individual defensive players this round is where you can get tons of value with Chiefs safety Justin Reid. Reid can kick extra points. If Reid isn’t available, draft a real kicker. There is no way Kirk Cousins lasts into the sixth round.
Round 7
At this point in the draft most people are going after RB handcuffs or value position players. I say draft the Minnesota Vikings defense. It will be really hard for opponents to score given that Kirk Cousins will lead the league in eight-minute drives.
Rounds 8-14
Auto-draft. Your job is done.
