*Apologies for the tardy post. Management will be hiring and firing a scapegoat intern for not realizing Big Ben Whitney is on vacation.
UPPER WEST SIDE, NY – Pedestrian, unglamorous news of the common folks oft doesn’t make it up here – to God’s country. But when the news items are HUGE, it does. With that, here are today’s transcending topics: Mets At .500, Presidential Rangers, Stanks Lose! John Sterling Sucked
Mets At .500
This is simply Amazin’… It’s the stuff of the Miracle Mets. It hearkens “The Magic is Back!” It makes one think “The Magic is Real! It strengthens your faith – “Ya Gotta Believe!” That’s right, the New York Mets are officially middle-of-the-road, with as many wins as losses, and life is wonderful for #Mets fans again. How is this possible after a 0-5 start, you ask? Easy. You rely on heroic household names like Jose Butto and Adrian Houser and record spinning DJ Stewart. Heck, Frankie Lindor even had some hits in the last two games!
Stanks Lose
Oh, happy days!!! The only thing better than a New York Mets victory is a New York Stankees loss. The more torturous, the better. And the Pintstripers have been Bombing as of late, which makes this bitter, bald, Mets fan very happy.
Presidential Rangers
Only in the NHL does being awarded the Presidents’ Trophy for being the league’s best team, pretty much guarantee that you won’t make it to the second round of the playoffs. Are you supposed to root for you team being the best? I don’t. No way. My teams rarely win anything (NY Giants Super Bowls aside), so I want them to win everything. I’m greedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know about the Presidents’ Trophy Curse, but these New York Rangers are a complete squad, reminiscent of Messier’s Cup winners, who excised the 1940 Curse. So here’s to cursing f*cking curses and guaranteeing that the Blueshirts – health in tact – lift Lord Stanley’s hardware (ahem) again, pissing off the likes of Cheesy Bruin, Angry Ward, vinny from brooklyn and Grote2DMax.
John Sterling Sucked
First off, the 86-year-old Sterling is alive and well. Sounds as strong as ever. He 86ed his Yankee broadcast career yesterday, however, simply stating, “I’m 86 and I’ve worked for the last 64 years. It’s time.”
Good for you John, and congrats on carving out a long and prosperous career. One thing, though, that the revisionist history makers out there will ultimately try to refute: You sucked. You and Waldman sucked so much you made Mets losses easier to take for me, knowing Stanks fans had to listen to you every game. I’d tune in until I couldn’t take it anymore. I even put my ears on a John Sterling ear pitch-count. Like most 2023 Mets starters, that count was Max Scherzer-like… about 40 pitches.
YET… I envy your career, your experiences and applaud your amazing success. Enjoy retirement. You earned it.
Side retired for today. Comment below and come back tomorrow for the inimitable Angry Ward.
