NEW YORK, NY – I’m the wrong guy to be doing any “breaking down” of the Rangers‘ OT loss in Game 1 last night. You’ll find no postmortem here. The Rangers will dust themselves off, get back on their feet, and get back in the race because… Hey, that’s Life. And speaking of Hoboken, one of the inane side “bets” that go on during Championship series is the silly ritual where the Mayor of each team’s city playfully wagers something with the other. Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti will sing “New York, New York” on the Jimmy Kimmel show if our Blueshirts win the Cup, while our very own Mayor Doofus will belt out Randy Newman’s “I Love LA,” should the unthinkable occur. I do hope de Blasio, or Kaiser Wilhelm or Monstrous Matt or whatever the real name of this giant from Cambridge, Mass is, gets to appear on Kimmel, so the rest of the country can gawk at our Mayor Doofus. Why should we have all the shame… uh… fun?
Along the same lines I started wondering how New Yorkers were being perceived across the country in general these days. As the Mecca of everything (other than basketball) and the cultural and financial nerve center of Planet Earth, surely we can be proud as New Yorkers. Others around the US must look upon as beacons of erudition; the best and the brightest, because frankly, if you can make it here you can make it anywhere. I remember during the big 1989 Earthquake in San Francisco (while the Giants played the Aldersons) and recalled vividly how eloquent and thoughtful the First Responders were when interviewed on TV. “Does everyone in Northern California talk this way? Wow-they’re all so articulate and bright.” Which brings me to the “dumbification” of New York. A charge led by Mike Francessa, but not exclusively. (and this never gets old)
This blowhard has been getting on my nerves more than ever lately but the lazy ass butchering of the English language is too much to take. Is he stupid? Or just lazy? How much freakin’ effort does it take to pronounce an “R” at the end of words? It’s gotten to the point that it is embarrassing as a New Yorker-(a true New Yorker, btw) to listen and imagine what outsiders must be thinking. “The Rangizz, The Packizz, Nine-dee-Fahhww was da Rangizz last Cup!” The girl who slices my Oven Gold Turkey at Shop Rite isn’t that bad. “Wuddya want-a Kawwtah pound or half a Kawwtah?” Neither is the guy against whom I managed my sons’ Little League game last night. “Youz ahh da home team…is ya catcha ready? Dats a Bawwwwk!”
I even got into a bit of a sparring match on Twitter the other day. I had watched Susan Slusser, the beat writer for the Oakland A’s, on dumb ass Nerd Brian Kenny’s MLB Now on the MLB Network the other day, and found her to be more cheerleader than reporter. She gushed about Josh Donaldson the way Suzyn Waldman (speaking of butchering the language) once did: “Rajah Clemens is heahh and in the owwhnaas box!” So, I made a comment on Twitter directed at Slusser that I found her “reporting” a bit pom-pom-ish. I then received about 120 nasty accusations of “trolling” and not knowing anything about anything and how dare I register an opinion or an observation on what I had watched. Vitriol, Twitter Style, hurled my way. A bunch of liberal San Francisco people quashing my right to have an opinion. So this whole Kings-Rangers Cup Final? I’m rooting extra hard for our Blueshirts. The panty ass soccer first look at me we invented everything and we know everything about wine Californians need to be put in their place. It’s personal now. Let’s Go Mayor Doofus!
Tune in tomorrow for another Meet The Matts Radio segment…
