SMOKE ‘EM, CO – Powerball tickets… got ’em. Mega Millions tickets… got ’em. Fantasy Football championship… got it (with a 5-8 regular season record, which is pretty awesome). Gambling addiction? Nope, that is Evander Kane’s problem. More on that in a minute… Since my NFL picks won’t be anywhere nearly as cogent as Cheesy Bruin’s FREE NFL Picks, you get Puff Piece Friday… my All-Time Favorite Bankrupt Athletes.
Evander Kane
For those non-puckheads on this forum, Evander Kane is a hockey player for the Sharks and Mr. Kane has a very unenviable problem right now. He is filing for bankruptcy as an active NHL player. He is currently in debt twenty seven million dollars with assets locked up in real estate worth around ten million. Usually stories like these are sad bylines in local newspapers about former legends down on their luck after a lifetime of bad financial decisions. Filing bankruptcy as an active player seems to be some sort of new record level of financial stupidity. Well done, Citizen Kane, you’ve added to list of headline-grabbing feats.
Diego Maradona: Diego, aside from the infamous “Hand of God,” set world transfer records twice. He also took thirty two million euros in debt owed to the Italian government to his recent grave last November. In the USA, not paying your taxes is an art. You hire a guy or a team of guys and your liability just disappears. In Italy, their ability to collect is about as steadfast as their Army was in WWII. Why bother hiding the fact you owe them if they can’t get it from your cold dead hands?
Vince Young: This won’t take long. If you have poor enough taste to spend five thousand a week at The Cheesecake Factory then you never had a chance at keeping the money in the first place. A fool and his money are soon parted but of all places… the Cheesecake Factory? There are a lot better restaurants in Nashville than an upscale Applebees (apologies to JG Clancy). This doesn’t change the fact that Vince was the most impressive college athlete in any sport that I had the privilege of seeing live. He converted a 3rd and 30 against Missouri on the road versus prevent coverage… with his feet. If only someone could have done something to prevent his financial demise.
Rollie Fingers: Ol’ Handlebars at one time held the distinction as being the most delinquent tax debtor owing the state of Wisconsin. He must still be in need of cash because his World Series ring was auctioned last month for 75k. Hopefully that’s enough to save him.
Latrell Sprewell: Remember the “I’ve got a family to feed!” comment? That came when he was rejecting a 27-million dollar contract extension. (What’s with that 27 million figure?) You could say that he choked his career away. After he left his family they sued him for 200 million and he now has nothing – including his family by most accounts – and lives in a cheap rental that only he and Short Matt might consider to be lavish.
Last, but certainly not least….
Lenny Dykstra: Where do I start with the Metsiest Met of all Metsy Mets? If the Mets franchise was a person it would be Lenny Dykstra. It’s not enough in Mets Land to just go bankrupt. You must go bankrupt with flair, a bad attitude and… a jail sentence. Meanwhile your biggest fans still feel badly for you even though they should have realized how awful you were in high school and given up early. Lenny not only went bankrupt, he committed bankruptcy fraud by destroying his own houses during the bankruptcy! He also subsequently committed a litany of other crimes too long to list, and is likely under an overpass somewhere waiting for a reprise in the public eye as Uncle Eddie in the next Lampoon movie.
Speaking of lampoons, come back tomorrow for our Clark Griswold, Short Matt. Leave your bets below in the meantime, though.
