LAWYERS, GUNS AND MONEY

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By Rex O’Rourke

Williamsport, Pa.

  • First of all, Plaxico, ah Plaxico; don’t you wish you pulled a gun in L.A.? Just ask O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, or Lindsay Lohan. New York decided to get tough and enforce gun laws and used you as an example. You just can’t walk in to a nightclub with a loaded, unregistered firearm anymore. New York is such a buzz kill. Then again, if you’d just had the safety on, you’d probably be complaining about the food at training camp as we speak. That’s what you get when you have weapon skills that lie somewhere between Wilton Parmenter’s and Barney Fife’s. Maybe you need Dante Stallworth’s lawyer!

  • It’s about time someone stepped up and manned up against Tiger Woods. I just wish it had been someone I’d heard of before. At first glance I thought Tiger was paired with Mr. Wang from Caddyshack, not Y.E. Yang from South Korea. I love Tiger and all his steely-eyed grit, competitiveness, and preparation; it’s just nice to see him sweat once in a while. While many of the world’s best players soil themselves when they see his Sunday red, the former bodybuilder, who only took up the game at nineteen, showed the more established pros how to make a charge on one of golf’s biggest stages. He nutted that hybrid from 210, over a tree, to 8 feet, when the middle of the green would have sufficed; the best eighteenth hole approach since Corey Pavin’s gutsy 4-wood at the 1995 U.S. Open. Good for you Mr. Wang… err… Yang.

  • So money-grubbing holdout Michael Crabtree is now a prima donna BEFORE he catches a pass in the NFL. If he does eventually grace The Forty-Niners with his presence, how long before Mike Singletary puts him in the Chateau de Bow Wow? I hope you like running wind sprints, kid!
  • Is it me, or does Tim Tebow look like actor Brendan Fraser?
  • Now that the American League East is over (if the Yankees go a pedestrian 21-18 down the stretch and the Red Sox go a torrid 27-13, they’ll still lose the division by a game) I’m focused on the Little League World Series. I love watching two handed catches, bases rounded with the left foot, hustle on the base paths, and cut-off men hit; everything you don’t see in a Major League game.
  • By the way, according to my calculations, all the Mets have to do to make the playoffs, is go 29-10 down the stretch!
  • I see the Raiders are in mid-season form already. Tom Cable has allegedly broken defensive assistant Randy Hanson’s jaw. He says it’s an internal matter; kind of like domestic violence. Having broken my jaw, I can tell you it won’t be easy barking orders out when you sound like Michael Corleone after a Capt. McCluskey right hand.

  • It’s pony season at Saratoga. Ever notice how a horse player can talk himself into anything?

    Until next week,
    Rex

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