ANGRY WARD WEDNESDAY: DOO-DOO THE RIGHT THING?

ARLINGTON, TX– The constant B.S. surrounding steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball is getting so deep we all better put on life jackets. Every time someone opens their mouth about this topic these days a thousand flies show up to roost on the ensuing fecal matter that flows forth. The A-Rod revelations are old hat at this point. He claims he only “used” during his three years with the Rangers. Ha! What a Texas-sized steaming pile of steer manure that is. So he was clean in Seattle and with the Yankees right? No HGH, no nothing? Are fans that stupid that they would believe this? But let’s not dwell on Rodriguez. It’s been done to death already. Here’s just a sampling of the denial diarrhea out there:

• Joe Torre: Saint Joe was reportedly “blindsided” to the fact that steroid use was “so rampant.” What a crock! Is there a bigger phony out there than Torre? He added that he never heard anything in connection with Rodriguez and what a great work ethic he has… blah, blah, blah. He closed with: “I’m glad he came out, faced the music, and took responsibility for it.” Someone tell Joe that a confession after being caught red-handed does not a hero make.

• Tom Hicks: The idiot owner of the Rangers chimed in with this gem: “I feel personally betrayed. I feel deceived by Alex.” Come on! Baseball owners, and Hicks especially knew exactly what was going on with steroids. He, of all people, has a lot of nerve claiming ignorance. With A-Rod, Juan Gonzalez, Pudge Rodriguez, Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, and countless others, this guy was running a Juice Bar not a baseball team.

• Roger Clemens: Too stupid for words. Let’s just move on.

• Jason Giambi: Is now looked at by some as some kind of hero because he apologized, not for taking steroids and cheating, but just generally apologized to the fans. What a brave soul. Let’s throw him a parade.

• Bud Selig: Should have lost his job a long time ago, but then, he works for the owners who were in cahoots with this stuff all along. They can’t fire themselves so they won’t fire him either. No denying that he should take a huge hit for being the guy who let this happen on his watch.

• Don Fehr: A pimp, plain and simple. And not a cool Pimp like Dr. Detroit or Huggy Bear either. The players were his stable of high-priced whores and the drugs they took made them more attractive to their customers… the fans.

• Miguel Tejada: Now looks as though he will plead guilty to lying to Congress. He’ll most likely get off lightly. All of this makes him only slightly smarter than Clemens.
• Jorge Posada: Two days ago he had the comment that summed up the gutlessness of big leaguers perfectly: “I don’t think I’ve put anything in my body that could be positive on one of those tests.” What?!? Talk about your lukewarm statements! Then, perhaps feeling he had to say something more definitive, he followed with this head-scratcher: “I have never tested positive. My first language is Spanish. I know English but my first language is Spanish. I have wanted to make sure I have never taken anything. I’m as clean as a whistle.” Wow. I’m, convinced. His first language is Spanish and he “wanted” to make sure he didn’t take anything.

Whether they release the other 103 names who tested positive or not, every single person who played during this era will forever remain under a cloud of suspicion. And that really stinks like you-know-what for those who never did anything wrong.

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About Angry Ward 661 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.