INTERVIEW INTEGRITY: WE WOULD CONCEAL INFO

OWN INTEREST, USA – Lately, this spirited Fan Forum has had much discussion re steroids, cheating and the blind eyes that have further widened the cracks in the crumbling foundation of professional sports. As our professional athletes drop like flies from the esteem with which they were once held, we have come up with theories, solutions, hypotheticals and ultimately - culprits. *The Culprit Category has mainly been comprised of the the players and owners, with an odd agent or two thrown in (see Roger Clemens). There has been a new entry, however… The Press. Now, we didn’t weigh in on this one because we were trying to get our hands around our own feelings about it. After all, we are now - as ridiculous as it may seem to many - part of that dirty-named group of carcass feeders known as – The Media. There, we said it.

“How would you guys handle sensitive info from an athlete?” you query, anxiously awaiting our precious answer.

**Welp, let’s find out via our favoite tool, the hyothetical situation: Matt and I are St. Bart’s with the Bikini Team from the final scene of Dumb & Dumber and… Wait, that’s the wrong hypothetical…

Instead, imagine that us Matts are conducting a Q&A with a current player. After talking with her/him/it on camera for an hour and getting along famously, he/she/it feels confident enough, to say they tried HGH two years ago while we’re changing the camera set-up – no, he/she/it  didn’t use the HGH during our camera set-up, he/she/it  told us during the set-up. Geez.

Anyway, you get the picture. Honestly now, do you think, for one second, that we would report that sensitive information? HECK NO! If we did, we’d never get another interview. We’d get applause from John Q. Phan (he of Philthydelphia) and kudos from Orrin Hatch but then what? How the MC Hammer/Ed McMahon are we supposed to pay our bills? Tall Matt/Shawn Kemp has something like 15 kids! Short Matt is saving for hair plugs for his planned exit from MTM to pursue his singing career! Are you, the denizens of Mattville going to buck up because we maintained Interview Integrity? Ha! No way, Jose (Canseco)! Therefore, it is YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE THE CULPRITS. You are the very reason we here on MTM would – DRUM ROLL – conceal info!

That’s all for today, you filthly, dirty, no-good, blankety-blanks. Look for a downright seething Angry Ward tomorrow.

*We’re writing the movie
**First time usage on MTM

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