STEPHON, TORTS, THE MANNY, lower c & ANTHONY WEINER

POTPURRI, FL – Some interesting things occured in the past 48 hours: It’s Lent… Starbury is no longer a Knick… NY Ranger head coach John “Torts” Tortorella said the New York Rangers are out of shape, 60 games into the season… Manny Ramirez was just given a fourth contract offer; 1 year at 25 mil and an option at 20 mil – after agent Scott Boras begged the Dodgers to do so… Luis Castillo, known as “lower c” here thanks to jgclancy, played like an MVP yesterday, making Met manager Jerry Manuel look smart - momentarily… Anthony Weiner declared that he is running for Mayor against Michael Bloomberg in NYC’s next election. That’s not news. What is news is that he plays goalie against us in our Chelsea Piers ice hockey league… Now, tell your co-workers you’re on break, let the kids fend for themselves and sit out any dances, for it’s time for us to weigh in on the aforementioned via A-Dubya’s beloved bullet points:

  1. STARBURY: We’re skipping him because he’s despicable and hopefully he’ll ruin the Celtics, opening doors for the Knicks and Nets!
  2. LENT: We will be hard-pressed to survive this 40+ days of alleged sacrifice. Are we overly religious? No. However, we are overly guilty and afraid of consequences – real or imagined – that may befall us should we not partake in the ritual. What is our participation? The biggest sacrifices are the giving up of lying, drinking and cursing. Their order of want changes by the second.
  3. TORTS: Glen Sather’s latest fall guy lost his Ranger debut, 2-1 to Les Leafs in a shootout. Funny, but Tom Renney coached the team to the exact same result against the exact same team in the club’s prior game. Humph. Hey, Glen? Maybe it’s the players and not the coach! “Re-Tort” (MTM trademark!) did ingeniously and simultaneoulsy cover his butt/throw our man Tom under the bus by saying some players are out of shape. Right Re-Tort, John but there’s no way a team is out of shape after skating 60 games into a season.
  4. THE MANNY: Scot Boras called the Dodgers and pleaded with them to resubmit their offer, which was pretty much their first of the fourt that Weasel Scott got out of the NY Flat Leavers. The Manny (thank you, West Coast Craig) likey ordered Scottie to beam up another negotiation after Suitor River dried up like the L.A. River. That said, we want the Mets to up the ante by offering the 1-year 25 mil but beefing up the option 25 mil if he is the World Series MVP. Face it, The Manny would generate 50 mil in revenue in one season. And here’s the L.A. River:L.A. River
  5. lower c: Stop the presses! Declare February 25th Castille Day! lower c had two hits and FOUR RBI! Need we say more? Certainly, but we don’t want to jinx him or diminish his mojo!
  6. ANTHONY WEINER: “Tony” (he hates that) is the netminder for the Division 3B Falcons (cheesy orange jerseys) down at Chelsea. The other night we represented the Makos as the third line center. Much the night, we stood with our keester directly in front of the potential Hizzoner’s probiscus, annoying him to no end (pun intended) and scoring a goal (getting hit in the hip with a slapshot that goes in counts as a goal for the hittee) in our exciting 5-4 overtime win. Let’s just hope Weiner isn’t as liberal protecting the city as he is protecting the net. He’s a sieve to the point that we’re thinking of calling him Swiss Cheese instead of Tony. Here’s Mayor McSwissCheese:Tony Swiss Cheese Weiner

There you have it, our $.02 on the topics that mean most to you. Please chime in below, tell some friends about us and look for Cookie tomorrow!

Share Button
About The Matts 370 Articles
www.MeetTheMatts.com started out as a NY Mets website and organically grew into an entity covering all professional sports. Our daily contributors, as diverse as they may be, share one important asset... a sense of humor. This is, after all, sports entertainment.